Cute isn't Easy
by zombiesluvme
Summary: An alternative universe where the Lost Light have missed Tailgate and instead... the DJD stumble across our favorite minibot instead. This fic will simply be in tiny drabbles featuring Tailgate amongst the galaxy's most fearsome bots. (From Lights321's AO3 account)
1. In the Beginning

**Just a before hand note, this story is from Lights321's AO3 account, she asked me to publish it on fanfiction on my account. (So I have permission and any praise or comments should be directed towards her) I don't know why, but there was threats of eye lasers if I didn't - so here it is! **

* * *

There may be familiar lines in this work of fiction, and they do not belong to me. Anything that looks familiar to the book,** IS NOT MINE**. The quotes belong to James Roberts, and the awesome people who drew the comic book.

_Princess Lights: In my defense, I had a conversation with zombiesluvme, and obviously, with all the perverted nonsense we spewed, a decent idea actually came out. To be honest, I don't even..._

_zombiesluvme: The perverted nonsense was good too! My nose is still bleeding._

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXxxxxxxxxxxxx(Kawaiicon)xxxxxxxxxxxXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Tarn narrowed his optics as his gaze swept over the surface of Cybertron. A prickle of annoyance slowly increased as he found the area completely empty of all lifeforms.

It was such a shame as well. It took such effort to land on Cybertron secretly without alerting their presence or raising any alarms, only to arrive and find that their target was... gone.

Deadlock had survived another day. But his luck would not last forever. Tarn swore to keep him alive for as long as possible when he caught him for this cowardly escape. He would make the mech regret ever prolonging the inevitable. Tarn paused from his thoughts as he noticed Kaon approaching him from the left. He turned to face his communications officer.

"Kaon, what happened?"

Kaon tilted his head and answered softly. "It would appear from the comm chatter going on, that the Autobot's quantum jumped before they were ready. Or they could have imploded in midair. Does it matter anyway? We have another energy signal closer to us then rather go hunting for Deadlock right now."

Tarn hummed in thought. "True enough. Black Shadow won't escape us now, will he?" He directed the question to the rest of his team, the cons standing not far from where he stood.

Tesarus ginned. "No sir."

Vos let out a hiss of annoyance as he gripped the Pet's leash firmer. Tarn sighed again. "There's no need to be upset Vos. He cannot outrun us forever. It is only a matter of time before we have him screaming at our pedes."

Helex grunted. "Then what are we waiting for? Let's go."

Kaon took a step toward the Peaceful Tyranny and suddenly a pillar of pink imploded from the ground from which Kaon nearly stepped on. The communications officer flew back hastily, his empty optic sockets wide with surprise. Landing ungracefully on his aft, Kaon gaped at the dying explosion that could have seriously damaged, or even killed, him.

The atmosphere changed, and all the members of the DJD looked toward where the explosion generated.

Tarn readied his double fusion cannon and gestured the others to stay back. If this enemy could predict so easily where his team could walk, Tarn did not want any more casualties. Kaon had been lucky.

He peered down the dark hole, and a small voice rang out.

"Any chance of a hand?"

Tarn peered down closely and saw the outline of a... minibot. It could be a trap, but Tarn was willing to risk a trap to demand an explanation of why the minibot had nearly blown his communications officer to bits.

He reached down and plucked the minibot out of the hole by the back of its neck.

Oh. It was...

...missing its legs. Maybe it wasn't as much of a threat as he first presumed. The minibot squirmed in his hold.

"Look, I'd really like to talk, but I'm going to miss my launch! Could you be so kind to carry me-Oh scrap, have I missed it?!"

Tarn remained quiet for a little while. "The launch? Do you mean the Lost Light?

The minibot shook his head wildly. "No, no, no! The Ark! Have I missed the launch to Benzuli? With Captain Nova Prime? Are you sure you're alright? This is only the most important expedition yet!"

Tarn stayed quiet this time. It was Kaon who spoke up. "Are you insane? If this is your idea of a joke, I hardly- Do you even know who we are?!"

The minibot tilted his head. "You're... a bunch of really scary bots? Um, my name's-"

Tarn held up a hand and successfully silenced the minibot. "You aren't joking? You were actually driving across the Mitteous Plateau to reach the Ark? The original Ark?"

The minibot nodded vigorously. Tarn gestured for the scientist. "Vos! Carbon date this minibot! I hope for your sake that you aren't lying, minibot, as this day has seen enough of its annoyances already."

"My... name's... Tailgate?"

Tarn handed '_Tailgate_' to Vos, the scientist greedily accepting the new '_specimen_'. Vos carefully examined Tailgate, flipping the minibot this way and that, uncaring of the squeaks and the muffled requests he elicited from his handling. Tarn ushered the rest of the DJD some distance away to discuss their current _situation_.

Tarn consulted the rest of his squad. "He's dead if he's lying to us. But if he's not…" Tarn trailed off. What would they do with him?

Tesarus shrugged. "We kill him anyway?"

Helex hummed in thought. "If he really was due for the Ark, isn't that around the time where there was no such thing as Decepticons or Autobots? We'd essentially be murdering a bot that missed the entire war."

"We've killed Neutrals before."

"Neutrals are cowards. They're aware of the war, and they choose to flee with their tails between their legs. We don't know what this one's decision could have been."

Kaon sighed. "Our record's messy enough. I don't like this, but if we let him live, it might spare us a little more pride when we face Megatron again."

Cue the awkward muttering and the small shuffling of gigantic pedes.

Tarn turned his head to see Vos still prodding at... Tailgate, was it?

"Now, what should we do with him?"

Kaon shrugged. "Drop him off at the nearest Autobot medical center. Maybe he could gather his bearings once he's rejoined civilization."

Helex grunted. "We're thinking too hard about this. We don't know whether he's telling the truth or not."

Tarn nodded. "I think Vos is done analyzing."

He walked over to where Vos was still engrossed with Tailgate's plating. "Well Vos? Is he telling the truth?"

The scientist replied excitedly, running his hands over the minibot, gesturing to certain parts of Tailgate. Tarn hummed in thought, his sharp optics running over the frame.

"Vos says you're certainly an antique. Six million years underground, hm?"

Tailgate stopped squirming.

"W-What? I don't- Six million years? I mean, Vos said I was pretty old, and I get that with my chronometer broken I can't- SIX MILLION YEARS?!"

Tarn looked at Tailgate's flickering visor, the light spilling out and the small hands wringing around. Years of war had made him immune to even the cutest- most _unnecessary displays_, but Tarn felt it important to divert the conversation before something stupid like a panic attack occured.

"You understand Vos?"

Tailgate looked up. "Of course! The best songs are sung in Primal Vernacular- _You're changing the subject!_ I missed the flight! I- I'm six million years old!" Coolant started to pool at the bottom of the minibot's visor as his mouthplate started to shake, the onslaught of a full breakdown imminent.

Tarn looked down unimpressed. "You should be more concerned on how you'll survive now, instead of prattling on about the past."

Tailgate went into a stuttering mess, while Vos cooed and stroked the top of Tailgate's head, apparently calming the minibot down or creeping Tailgate out further. Tarn didn't really care.

Tarn went back to face the rest of the DJD. "Alright, we might as well just throw him onto the nearest Autobot medical station."

It was Tesarus that interrupted Tarn this time. "Wait Tarn! I just had an idea!"

Tarn looked toward Tesarus with his mouth pursed behind his mask. He could interrupt the gigantic blender now, but it was better to let Tesarus talk it out before it came to bite Tarn in the aft later.

"The little guy's just gunna die in the modern society. Why don't we take him with us? He could be a maid or something! You have to admit, the Peaceful Tyranny needs a little TLC, and none of us knows a slag about cleaning. A helper! Yeah, he could totally keep us entertained too!"

Kaon sighed with exasperation. "What about the cleaning droids you idiot?"

Tarn looked at Tesarus with new interest. "No, he has a point. Vos keeps pouching parts off our droids anyway. Tailgate is also a mech oblivious to the war isn't he? He could be easily persuaded to join our glorious cause."

Helex tilted his head. "He'd make a nice poster bot. Change the blue to red..."

Oh yeah, they could all see that. Tiny ancient minibot? Check. Helpless little bot? Check. Unbelievable cuteness? Checked. Maybe with this bot, they wouldn't get such a bad rep from the other faithful Decepticons. They weren't just a bunch of crazies, despite what others believed. DJD, the most sadistic murderers indeed! They were perfectly capable of convincing a bot to join the Decepticons!

Kaon even looked like he was leaning into the idea. "I heard Officer Soundwave has a thing for minibots..."

Ok, that did it. They were keeping this bot. Soundwave was officially the last magic word. (On the occasion they often had to go to the Third in Command for List Updates, and their relationship was quite strained for unexplainable reasons)

Tarn returned to Tailgate. "Tailgate, would you like to join us? To travel the universe, doing the greatest work that a Decepticon can do?"

Tailgate looked up miserably from where he was clutched to Vos' chest. "Yeah. Sure. Don't have anywhere to go anyway. Wait, what's a Decepticon?"

Tarn gestured to the Peaceful Tyranny. "Come aboard our ship, Tailgate, and I promise all will be explained."

"But before we explain anything," Kaon interrupted drily, "we need to fix your legs."

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXxxxxxxxxxxxx(Kawaiicon)xxxxxxxxxxxXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

_Princess Lights: I'm so sick right now I must be brain damaged. Ahahahaha... (Who the hell am I kidding? I'M ALREADY BRAIN DAMAGED! F*CK YEAH!)_

_zombiesluvme: We're all a little bit brain damaged inside. (I told you to relax! Chicken soup and squirrel nibbles!)_


	2. Fixed

_Princess Lights: This story will be my motivation vent. (Bleugh, tiny bit sick) And I don't need to explain myself!_

_zombiesluvme: If I have to climb into my laptop's screen and force rest and chicken soup upon you, I will. Don't think I won't get Magic to help me do it._

_Princess Lights: I'm pretty sure that if it were up to Magic, he'd just eat the chicken soup, and force me to write more smut of him and Smokescreen together. He's fuelling an unhealthy obsession here. D: But I'm sure he's scared of you! :)_

**XXXXXXXXXxxxxxx(Kawiicon)xxxxxxxxXXXXXXX**

Tailgate sat on the berth in the Peaceful Tyranny's medibay, giving the occasional jump when he felt a single slim _sharp_ finger poke him in the waist.

"_You're chubby._" Was the simple statement from the Linguistic Purist.

"It-It's my model-"

"_I want to cut you open._"

This caused Tailgate to let out a nervous squeak and squirm even more in discomfort under Vos intrusive pokes, until Tarn finally decided to intervene.

"Now, now, Vos. Tailgate isn't on the List, and there isn't any reason to hurt our dear future comrade," Tarn gave Vos a sharp look, "_Or_ dissect him."

Kaon voice came over from the intercom. "Tarn, we're initiating quantum jump now. Everyone ready in 4... 3... 2...

There was a sudden lift, and the feeling of going at hyper speed. Tailgate felt his visor temporary shut off from the force of the ship's sudden momentum pressing down on him, the sound of screeching wind all around.

It lasted for a few seconds, but the noise died down, and the force of the speed eased down to normal. Tailgate let go of the edge of the berth his servos had been clutching in a death grip.

"_The minibot looks like he just had spark failure. Cut him open now?_"

Tailgate opened his visor a tiny bit. "Nope. Not dead. Just... where are we going again?"

Vos gave a huff of frustration, and he shuffled out of the medibay. Tarn moved to sit by Tailgate's bedside.

"We're going to Delphi," Tarn answered, "to see a certain doctor to help fix your legs and... pick up some things."

Tailgate tilted his head. "What things?"

Tarn shook his head and gave Tailgate a pat on top of the head. "Nothing you need to worry about. Just rest now, we'll be landing on Delphi soon."

Tailgate sighed, letting out a little disgruntled huff of ventilation. "No thanks. I've slept enough for six million years."

Tarn's optics brightened. "Perhaps then you would like to indulge in some poetry with me?"

Tailgate laughed silently at the way the intimidating mask failed to conceal the sparkling in Tarn's optics.

"Sure!"

**XXXXXXXXXxxxxxx(Kawiicon)xxxxxxxxXXXXXXX**

Kaon walked into the medibay. "Tarn, we've landed at Del-" The words promptly cut off as the security cameras the blind mech used to navigate his way through the ship caught sight of what was transpiring on the circuit slab.

Tarn was lying comfortably on the berth, the top half lifted to make sure he could sit up properly. Tailgate was now nestled on Tarn's lap, while the commander of the DJD read aloud Megatron's work's in his rich timbre voice.

Both looked up and regarded Kaon frozen in the doorway.

"Yes Kaon?"

Kaon cleared his throat, after his vocalizer rebooted itself. "Ah, we've arrived in Delphi. So let's bring, um, Tailgate to the good doctor now, shall we?"

Tailgate looked at Tarn with wide optics. "Can we please finish that last poem when we come back? This Megatron guy is good at this kind of stuff!"

Tarn chuckled. "Of course Tailgate."

Kaon walked out of the medibay in a trance, followed by Tarn carrying Tailgate, the minibot tucked in the crook of his arm.

The rest of the DJD raised an eyebrow when Tarn walked out in this fashion, but were nevertheless amused watching Kaon stare eerily into empty space. Vos walked up and poked the communications officer in the arm.

"_Are you dead? Can I finally figure out how your electrical system burnt out your optics?_"

Kaon hissed, snapping out of his daze, and batted Vos away. "Away Vos! We'll get you another corpse from Delphi for you to study! Primus knows how weird you get without something to cut open!"

Vos walked away muttering underneath his breath. (He wasn't _that_ weird, thank you _very_ much)

Tarn opened the entrance to his ship and waited for the tell-tale sound of Pharma's thrusters.

He didn't have to wait long.

The jet appeared over the snow covered rise. Pharma transformed before hitting ground, landing gracefully on the ground. He held out a bag, filled with T-Cogs no doubt, and stretched casually, his eyes closed in boredom.

"Alright Tarn's here's your T-Cogs-" The voice was cut off abruptly. Tarn watched gleefully at the transformation that took place.

Pharma looked at Tailgate, then at Tarn, Tailgate, then Tarn again, his expression beyond freaked out.

"Tarn! What the fra-!

**XXXXXXXXXxxxxxx(Kawiicon)xxxxxxxxXXXXXXX**

Tailgate laid on his stomach, swinging his newly fixed legs as Pharma looked over and repaired anything internal that needed mending. His back was opened, the wires, and interior parts exposed to the cold Delphi air. Tailgate didn't feel anything though; thankfully Pharma had shut off his pain receptors a while ago.

Tailgate reached out to fiddle with tiny pieces of complex medical instruments as Pharma gripped over him.

"You found him Tarn? My aft you did! Probably killed another gestalt and kidnapped this little thing as a trophy or whatever your sick mind can come up with!"

"Now, now Pharma." Tarn scolded halfheartedly, "We told you truth and you didn't believe us. Besides, take a look at his internal structure. I've seen enough frames to know that this one is an antique."

Pharma tutted, giving several pieces of Tailgate's inner circuitry a pointed look. "You're right there. He should be on display."

Tesarus peered down. "Whoa. Wait up. What's that?"

A huge finger gently poked Tailgate's arm, where the words **ISPOSAL** lay. Tailgate looked down. "Oh, it's supposed to say Bomb Disposal."

Helex laughed. "That explains why you nearly blew Kaon to smithereens."

Kaon gave a huff. "Oh please. That blast would have merely scuffed me!"

Tarn narrowed his eyes. "Bomb Disposal? Are you sure?"

Tailgate looked up and nodded eagerly.

Tarn sighed and rubbed his mask covered face. "Now, now Tailgate..."

There was a huge hand on top of the minibot's. "How in the world can Cybertron _do_ this to you? A tiny mech like you, disarming _bombs_? What if you had gotten blown apart?"

Pharma cackled drily. "I very much doubt it would break your non-existent spark."

The Pet shuffled out of its kennel and snuffled around, rubbing itself against various DJD members. While the larger mechs above him talked, and Pharma worked, Tailgate observed the turbofox with fascination.

The animal seemed to stray off, return to Kaon for a stroke or pat, and then continue to wander around. It appeared to get a little testy when it encountered Pharma, but a sharp "_Tut_!" from Kaon stopped that behaviour immediately.

The Pet sniffed Tailgate's berth and the minibot. Tailgate froze, and giggled at the feeling of cold air blowing, then sniffing, blowing, then sniffing rapidly. The snuffling ended when the Pet gave Tailgate's helm a long lick, and then padded away.

Tailgate was delighted. "Did you see that? It likes me!"

Kaon grinned. "It probably smelled Tarn on you. That's why it didn't attack."

Tailgate froze. "I thought turbofoxes were relatively docile."

"Does the Pet seem like a normal turbofox to you?"

"Um...no?"

"The Pet is a Sparkeater turbofox." Kaon explained gleefully. "Though it technically chews sparks instead of eating them. Sparkchewer... Doesn't really work does it?"

Tailgate's visor brighter with surprise. "It's a Sparkeater? I thought those were just a myth!"

Kaon laughed again. "Not a myth. Just very rare. I think most Cybertronian's are just afraid to believe."

Tailgate chewed on the fact, while Kaon's happy demeanour melted away and changed into the one he felt inside. He looked carefully at the minibot.

There was no Tailgate on the Ark. Only a Tailpipe. And Tailpipe was no bomb disposal expert.

Kaon looked at Tarn, his leader's face unchanged. Tarn knew about the Ark better then Kaon did. Why didn't Tarn say anything?

As soon as Pharma had finished repairs, he put Tailgate into forced stasis. Without even looking at the DJD members or uttering a brief farewell, the medic flew off back to the Medical Center.

_Rude_.

Tarn carried Tailgate into the recharge slab in the medibay, and set the minibot down gently. Tarn sat down next to the berth and looked down at the little face slumbering away.

Kaon cleared his vocalizer. "Sir-"

"You don't need to Kaon. I know he lied. _Bomb Disposal_ indeed."

Kaon breathed out. "But sir. Why didn't you say anything?"

Tarn reached out and tapped the top of Tailgate's head. The minibot murmured sleepily and smacked Tarn's hand as he turned around in a more comfortable sleeping position.

Tarn looked up to Kaon and the communication's officer saw that his leader was smiling wildly; the cameras in the medibay catching how his optics betrayed a discerning gleam.

"Why Kaon; telling the truth to a gaggle of strangers. He can lie convincingly. That's an important Decepticon trait. I'd rather have him a lying piece of scum then a powerful, naive, truthful _idiot_. Our little Tailgate here has potential."

Kaon smirked wickedly. Tarn had a point.

Tarn continued. "We'll just keep letting him imagine that he got away with that lie of his. It'll come out one day. In the meanwhile, let's just keep him away from the bombs." A chuckle was added at the end of that sentence.

Kaon eventually walked back alone to his habsuite, sitting down at his desk, controlling surveillance. The Pet paddled up to Kaon and stuck his snout on the blind mech's lap. Kaon patted the Pet on the head, rubbing its ears until it was purring.

"He almost had me Pet. I thought that the little minibot was just a little moron. Maybe size isn't what determined a bot anyway."

**XXXXXXXXXxxxxxx(Kawiicon)xxxxxxxxXXXXXXX**

_Princess Lights: This... is taking a turn for dark. Dammit. Why does everything I touch turn out like that?_

_zombiesluvme: Because you made a pact with robot Satan?  
_  
_Princess Lights: Me and Magic, the things we've been through... I can't even tell you what things, because we've made a pact._


	3. Explanations

_Princess Lights: I was so happy for the long weekend. I can finish the latest chapter of CUTE AIN'T EASY GURL MMMMHMMM; sleep and work on assignments. :)_

_zombiesluvme: I mostly want to sleep. –A-_

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXxxxxxxxxxx(KawiiCon)xxxxxxxxxxxXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Tailgate sat on a chair.

In hindsight, it probably wasn't such a big deal, but the deal became slightly more proportionate when you had five gigantic mechs sitting around you, looking at you as if they expected something amazing to suddenly happen.

"So, um..."

Tarn patiently folded his arms together, while the other four members leaned in further towards the minibot, their optics _(sockets too I suppose)_ slightly wide. The Pet sat at Kaon's feet, looking longingly at the darkened hallways, most likely aching to go running down the tunnel and pounce on cyber-mice.

Tailgate swung his legs, more nervous than anything right now.

"What's, ah, a Decepticon? And Autobot for that matter."

All DJD members nodded slowly with approval at Tailgate's question.

Tarn cleared his throat to begin the speech he had rehearsed and delivered to recruit many innocent and wide visored mechs like Tailgate to the Decepticon cause, the only difference this time was the intensity of which he wanted convert the minibot.

"My dear Tailgate. As I know it, both sides wanted to change- They just disagreed over the nature, scale and purpose."

Tailgate raised a single finger to his facemask. "Both sides... The Autobots and Decepticons right?"

Tarn nodded. "One side rose up against a corrupt Senate and sought to emancipate the people."

The leader's optics narrowed behind his mask, his vocals shook with indignation as he spoke out his next words. "The other side, while superficially opposed to the ruling elite, were terrified of revolution. They wanted an orderly transition from one system of the government to another-Provided that they remained in control of course."

Tarn saw that Tailgate was paying attention, the minibot's visor wide. Absorbing Tarn's every word. The leader smiled internally.

"One side swept across the planet, liberating province after province. The inhabitants were expected to help their liberators overthrow the old order."

Tarn spread his arms in expression. "The other side saw this as an act of coercion and vowed to kill the uprising. The Senate fell- But the war _continued_.

Tarn lowered his arms, and looked off away from Tailgate. His optics lidded in depression and sadness. Kaon muffled a laugh that Tailgate fortunately didn't hear.

"The Autobots and the Decepticons. I wonder Tailgate... If you'd been there at the time-If you'd heard the call to arms and watched the Recruitment Rallies and seen the training camps and the Branding Ceremony's... If you'd been there at the time..."

Tarn looked directly at Tailgate.

"...On which side would you have fought?"

There was a long reverential silence at the table that every mech respected. Tailgate scooted off his chair and walked over to Tarn. Putting a hand onto the part of Tarn's leg that the minibot could reach, he lifted his huge blue visor at Tarn.

"I'm really sorry that the... Decepticons had to go through something like that. But it's comforting to know that there will always be devoted followers like you and your friends."

On a normal basis, this was the sort of comment that would find itself nodded at, and then forgotten, but...

Coming from Tailgate, combined with his now glittering visor and the _sincerity_ of it...

Vos coughed loudly into his arm, and that broke the spell paralyzing the room.

Tarn shook his head. "Ah, yes. That. _Erm_, thank you for your honesty and sympathy Tailgate. And now- _Um_-"

Kaon interrupted before his boss started sounding like a normal Cybertronian. "We are here today to fulfil three objectives. To answer your questions in regards to the war and all that you have missed. The second would be to inform you of what we do as a whole division."

Tarn nodded, addressing the rest of his division. "Alright now. We need to inform our friend Tailgate here about what we as the... DJD do; as a _professional_ _occupation_."

The slightly warm atmosphere plummeted down to freezing cold. Unaware of the change, Tailgate bounced forward on his pedes. "That's right! You never bothered to tell me what you guys do exactly!"

Tarn abruptly stood up, starting to get swept away in his own speech.

"We are the Decepticon Justice Division. Each of us named after the first five cities taken by our glorious leader Megatron. We hunt down those that have dared to sully the name of the Decepticons. Neither traitor nor coward is capable of escaping us."

Tailgate's visor was wide. "Hunt down?"

Tesarus gleefully filled Tailgate in. "We execute them."

Tailgate's visor fritzed, a tiny squeak of panic escaping his facemask. "So anyone who drops out of the Decepticons is labelled as a traitor?"

Tarn chuckled. "Anyone who has frustrated the idea and ideologies of Megatron is a traitor."

Tailgate looked down in thought. "You, you guys are essentially the executors in the Decepticon force. But..."

Tarn waited for Tailgate's answer, casually reading his fusion cannon behind the minibot's back. It depended on what crossed the minibot's vocalizer next that would either make him a worthy candidate for a Decepticon or...another target.

"...But, this is a war, and I can't really judge, since I haven't been awake this whole time..." Tailgate dropped his helm, twiddling his thumbs rapidly, "... as long as it's for a good cause right?"

Tailgate glanced up at Tarn sharply, the tiniest bit insecurity shining through his determined gaze. "I'm totally with you guys! These guys should be proud to have been part of the Decepticons! Let's go kick some ungrateful aft!"

Tarn froze, stunned by Tailgate's answer. Vos calmly stood up and picked up Tailgate. He smushed the minibot's face against his.

"_Mate with me. Now._"

Helex grabbed Vos by the back of the neck and deposited him back within his seat. "Now, what _are_ we going to do with you, Tailgate?"

Tailgate puffed himself up, his little servos clenched into fists with anticipation. "Alright, um! What do you want me to do?"

Kaon tapped his chin in thought. "You can help the rest of us self-repair and clean any... _messes_ that might splatter onto this ship."

Tailgate deflated the tiniest bit. "That's it? No _sword fighting_, or _gun shooting_ or-"

Kaon held up a hand, the corners of his lip plates twitching. "Your primary task aboard this ship will be to help us in any way you can. We in turn will reward you by teaching you useful skills and continue to provide your needs and more."

Tailgate's visor started sparkling again. "Skills? Like, shooting a gun, and being a hero?"

Tesarus laughed. "You can be a hero by helping us self-repair!"

Tarn raised a hand to his mask's mouth slit in thought. "Hold on now, before we get ahead of ourselves- Where should Tailgate's quarters be located? We cannot simply have him recharge in the medical bay."

Vos leaped across the table and wrapped Tailgate in a metal-denting hug, with half of his body still hanging on the table.

"_Join me in berth minibot_." Vos whispered in Tailgate's audio sensors.

"Uh-Um that-"

"_I'll pick you apart and switch your arms in the middle of the night and then put your T-Cog on display._"

Tesarus used his extra arm to pick Vos up and throw the scientist back within his respectable seat. Again. "Do you see the sadistic piece of slag we gotta put up with? If you can become our temporary stand-in medic, I'll go on my knees and kiss your pedes if I have to."

Helex snapped his fingers, with all four arms. "Wait. Isn't there a habsuite between me and Tesarus' room?"

Tarn nodded with approval. "That's the ideal location Helex. Why don't you tell Tailgate about how our habsuite's work aboard the Peaceful Tyranny?

Kaon watched the entire interaction, his smile drooping the slightest bit from confusion. Helex and Tesarus' rooms were considered to be the ones furthest away from the rest of the group's. If Tailgate was to be a helper, wasn't it more ideal for his room to be located within the center of the Peaceful Tyranny?

Kaon decided to use the private comm that Tarn gave him some time ago. It was easier if he simply used his radio to speak confidentially with Tarn.

"Sir? The room between Helex and Tesarus is not the only habsuite available. There are more located closer to the rest of us."

Tarn looked at the sight of Helex with his top two arms folded and the smaller arms waving and pointing exaggerating his points. He never looked away as he answered Kaon.

"Ah, but Kaon. Think carefully. Who is furthest away from Tailgate if he resides in that habsuite?"

"That would be me. The surveillance and data network aboard the ship- _Huh_. You've pulled yet another fast one boss."

Tarn rested his face on his servo, the disturbing glint coming into his eye once more. "I don't think I need to exaggerate how important it is to keep certain information files out of sight and out of reach. Lock all the information about us away with your failsafes. Edit certain historical files as well. Let's pretend the Uprising, the Exodus, the Remote Age, the Cataclysm, and the Surge, _never_ _happened_."

Kaon gave a small smile. "It will be done sir."

Tarn nodded and cut the comm short, addressing the rest of his division. "Alright now. Anyone above minibot height needs to stay at this table and discuss the subject of Black Shadow. Everyone below and at that height needs to go to recharge."

Tailgate threw his hands in the air. "Oh c'mon- That's a dirty, rotten trick! I wanna stay and-_EPP_!"

Tailgate was interrupted by Kaon picking him up and throwing the minibot over his shoulder. As Kaon walked down the hall, he called over his shoulder.

"Tell me the details later! I need to put the panic button with legs back into his habsuite."

The Pet followed the two, delighted by the wiggling mass over his master's shoulder. Tailgate squirmed in Kaon's grasp.

The communications officer made a small detour, opening a storage closet and grabbing a handful of cleaning supplies, then continued walking to the fore-mentioned habsuite. Upon arrival, Kaon literally threw Tailgate onto the berth located by the window.

The minibot hit the berth with a painful _clunk_ and looked up to Kaon in disbelief. Kaon smiled gently, as he promptly threw the cleaning supplies into Tailgate's face.

"Use these to clean up your room, then recharge. You're going to have a full day tomorrow." He turned to go, but paused. "And the habsuite password is _12-0-15_. Have a nice recharge!"

The door was closed and locked. Tailgate was stunned into silence, and he stared about his room in a trance.

First, the positives.

The berth had a foam pad and was comfortable to lie upon. _Ohhh_. He was right beside the window as well! But then again...

The floor was dusty and grimy. The desktop beside the berth had all sorts of junk stacked on top. Tailgate suspected that if either Helex or Tesarus were too lazy to throw away their scrap, they simply threw it within this room instead.

But there was no time to think about that now. Tailgate grabbed the gloves, and the jug of cleaning solvent, and the sponges, glaring at the mess.

It would be no match for a fearsome rookie Decepticon!

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXxxxxxxxxxx(KawiiCon)xxxxxxxxxxxXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

_Princess Lights: Holy jumping Rewind on top of Chromedome, when the last half was deleted, I felt my feelings shrivel and crinkle._

z_ombiesluvme: Twas a terrible experience. WE MUST BACK UP EVERYTHING._

_Princess Lights: *Hugs Zombie and cries womanly tears into her shoulder*_


	4. Hedonia

_Princess Lights: I am happy to report that this story is officially both me and zombieluvsme work! (Looks at zombie with red eyeballs)_

zombiesluvme: I have no idea how, with barely three paragraphs under my belt but - please don't hurt me!

**XXXXXXXXXXxxxxxx(KAWAII)xxxxxxXXXXXXXXX**

Tailgate wandered around the Peaceful Tyranny, occasionally peering into dark rooms that were unlocked, and scampering away as soon as his optics caught sigh what was within them.

The next morning when he had emerged from recharge, he was greeted with the sight of Vos crouching over his frame, spinning the tires on his legs with unsettling fascination. Kaon appeared shortly after, hearing Tailgate's terrified shriek, and carted the rifle off before something more then mental scarring occurred. Before he left, Kaon handed Tailgate a datapad, informing him that he must study upon how the Decepticon reshaped the universe as they knew it and what was expected of him as a new recruit. He would be tested later on that day.

Sitting on his berth, Tailgate tried to focus on the text before him, but after a while words started to bleed together and Tailgate's processor started to pound in protest over the forced data he was trying to save into his memory banks. Some of it made very little sense to the minibot out of his time, and many of the names and places mentioned Tailgate had never even heard of.

In the end, it wasn't the confusion that forced Tailgate to pause his studying, but the sound of Vos breathing heavily through the vents on his doors. Deciding he needed a break (and to get away from Vos' creepy venting) Tailgate crawled through the air cooler in his room, and exited to the other side.

Helex hadn't been particularly happy to see a minibot appear in the middle of him filtering his smelter, but the titan handled the intrusion with remarkable grace. Ushering Tailgate out, he gently locked the door after him.

Tailgate half-heartedly read as he wandered around the Peaceful Tyranny.

The ship wasn't exceptionally large, nor was it small in any sense. It was... normal. Just very strangely normal. Tailgate occasionally saw a pile of shredded metal or a mutilated lab table splattered in energon behind a door. He wasn't sure whether they were bodies or a result of Vos' experiments, but it didn't matter anyway. To preserve his sanity, he simply reminded himself that all those messes in those rooms resembled the scrap he used to shovel.

Eventually, he found himself in a room with a very familiar face.

"Hey Tarn."

For the past hour, the DJD's leader had been relaxing peacefully in the common room of the ship, writing motivational poems illustrating the righteous path of the Decepticon way. The rest of the DJD had been pointedly absent from this side of the ship. The group had learned long ago never to interrupt their leader's "_Poetry Jam_," as Tesarus had once so eloquently put it. Interrupting him led risk to warranting another team meeting on how exactly they should revere Megatron's words and recognize them for the revolutionary art they are, and then a follow up meeting were each of them would have to pick their favourite chapter of Megatron's 'Towards Peace' and recite it to the group. Too bad no one had the foresight to warn Tailgate.

Tarn sighed; having to pause from his Megatron fanboy worshipping pained him so, but nonetheless looked down at the minibot climbing onto the chair next to him. "What is it Tailgate?"

Not noticing the tank's reluctance, Tailgate held up the data pad Kaon had gave to him of a condensed, and heavily edited, history of the Decepticons. If he was getting tested on this, he needed a few things cleared up. "Who's Starscream?"

Tarn's twitched violently, as the datapen in his hand snapped in half in perfect coordination to his nerves.

"Well, you always talk about Megatron," Tailgate continued obliviously, "and sometimes you'll talk about Soundwave, and I've heard about that other 'Wave guy before, but what about Starscream? He's mentioned a lot in these history files, more than Soundwave even, but you've never talked about him."

Tailgate waited patiently for Tarn's answer. As seconds stretched into minutes, the minibot started to fidget nervously in his seat. Tarn did nothing but stare straight ahead into room's wall, the broken datapen still gripped tight in his hand.

"Tarn–"

"Never utter that designation ever again."

"But Tarn–"

"Never again, or you bunk with Vos for the night."

Tailgate squeaked, as Tarn abruptly stood from the couch, poetry long forgotten, and headed out of the room. He needed to find Kaon and learn how close the next name on the list was. He had some much needed stress to relieve, brutally, with as much screaming and spilled energon as possible.

Tailgate watched the tank go, nervously twiddling his hands. What was it about the, fairly good-looking Seeker that bothered Tarn so? Tailgate glanced down at the datapad he still held in his hands. Time for some more reading he supposed.

**XXXXXXXXXXxxxxxx(KAWAII)xxxxxxXXXXXXXXX**

No wonder Tarn was so upset! As it would turn out, Starscream was a manipulative, power hungry, disgusting coward! Quote, unquote!

The Seeker had tried to snuff Megatron's own spark! Multiple times, in fact! All his attempts ended in failure thankfully, the mighty Megatron always being one step ahead of his conspiring subordinate.

Tailgate approached Tarn in the refueling room; all five DJD members were sipping their energon and quietly discussing their next victim on the list. Tailgate solemnly walked toward Tarn and the table quieted.

Putting his servo on the DJD's leader, Tailgate gave Tarn his most apologetic stare.

"Tarn, I'm really sorry I mentioned . . . you know. I should have kept reading instead of asking questions. And um . . . I just want you to know Megatron couldn't ask for a more loyal solider when it comes to you."

Tarn looked down, and with equal seriousness, he put his large hand gently on top of Tailgate's head. "Tailgate. Would you like to participate in our Poetry Slam?"

Four DJD members looked at each other with panic evident in their optics. Oh slag. Kaon decided that if there was ever a time, _this_ was the time that it was every mech for himself.

Kaon laughed out loud tensely. "Actually Tarn, I do believe I must keep vigilante watch over our scanners, as we are nearing our next targe-"

"Move from your seat and I will test how long I can prolong spark torture without it spontaneously combusting." Tarn replied smoothly, as if speaking about the energon blend.

Helex lowered his head toward the table and banged his forehead repeatedly against the sturdy surface.

Tailgate climbed onto Tarn's lap after the encouraging nod. "Poetry reading? What's that?" Obviously, Tailgate took no heed to the violent shaking motions that Helex, Tesarus, Vos and Kaon made with their hands and faces.

Tarn puffed himself up and cleared his throat to start, opening his subspace. "I will hand out datapads, each holding a section of Lord Megatron's written works. We shall each select a passage from our favourite articles and explain why we enjoy it so. Please, do try to make sure that your monologue lasts. I delight in hearing others speaking about our Lord's words." Six datapads rested within Tarn's hands.

Tailgate straightened up, eagerly reaching for the datapads, his visor already lighting up in excitement. "Alright! Let's start!"

The Pet let out a whine under the table and four DJD members joined in harmony.

**XXXXXXXXXXxxxxxx(KAWAII)xxxxxxXXXXXXXXX**

Arriving at the planet was a source of personal excitement for Tailgate. The minibot had never been to another city before, much less a whole new planet. As the Peaceful Tyranny landed, Tailgate was a blur of nervous energy and just unbridled excitement.

"_C'mon, c'mon, let's go! I wanna see some alien lifeforms!_ And _bars_! And other cool stuff!"

The DJD were nearly as excited as Tailgate, for completely different reasons. Tesarus found his grinder giving the occasional random spin, as both Helex and Kaon found that their electric coils and smelter gave the occasional burble or snap.

Vos hugged Tailgate to his chest as they were descending toward Hedonia, hissing laughs and dark promises.

"_Hehehehehe, Yesssss, Yesssssss... Heheheehhe..._"

Tailgate was the first to zoom out of the ship, followed by a stampede of overzealous DJD members. Tarn's roar of "_STOP_!" had all five Cybertronians screeching to a halt, Tailgate almost taking a tumble down the ramp from his halted momentum, and walk sheepishly back to the eloquent Decepticon.

Tarn's orders were curt. "Helex, accompany Tailgate for the first two hours landside. Everyone else will switch shifts every so often."

Tarn then gave Tailgate 100 shanix, warning the tiny bot not to spend it all at once, and then dismissed the two.

Helex and Tailgate wandered around the tourist areas of Hedonia, carefully avoiding the areas marked "Organics Only"

Tailgate eventually found a fair that allowed Cybertronian's, handing out energon goodies and stuffed animals as prizes. There was one gigantic stuffed petro-bunny that was a whole head taller than Tailgate that the minicon immediately fell in love with.

You were supposed to throw a hoop into the ring below, and if you scored five out of five you would win the rabbit. Tailgate only managed to throw four; and with one glare from Helex, the vender alien immediately threw the rabbit at Tailgate.

The two went back to the rest of the DJD members. Tailgate could have sworn he heard someone screaming, but Helex reassured him it wasn't so.

Kaon appeared out of the blue, and the two mechs swapped places. As Tailgate walked alongside Kaon back to the fair, he realized that the blind mech smelled strongly of disinfectant. Before he could think more on the observation however Tailgate's attention was soon drawn away and the thought quickly forgotten. The fair had a traveling circus!

He and Kaon both purchased energon goodies and watched the show take place. After many different performances, Tailgate's favourite being the dancing slugs, there was a huge tub of water placed in the middle of the ring. The ringmaster asked if there was anybody in the audience who was capable of catching all ten fish within it in under three minutes. The reward was a gigantic sack of energon goodies.

Tailgate pushed Kaon forward, and the blind mech stuck a single slender finder in the water. _Bzzzzzt_ went the water and all ten fish floated up to the surface belly up. Forget three minutes. Kaon caught them all in three seconds.

Again they made their way back to the DJD members, and this time it was Vos who came forward to greet them. Kaon agreed to take the energon goodie bag back to the ship, and disappeared into the shadows. Tailgate was a tad nervous to be alone with the scientist, but they were all for nothing. The scientist mainly murmured little satisfied noises and stalked Tailgate around.

The two sat down to rest on the benches and Tailgate proceeded to let Vos properly observe his petro-bunny. He barely prevented the scientist from stabbing it with a laser scalpel hidden in his wrist, but then again, he was probably digressing.

The two found themselves in a star watching park, and Vos pointed out all the constellations, telling Tailgate stories of his favourite combinations. The favourites mostly had tales to do with blood, gore, death, or all three.

Tailgate walked back to the Peaceful Tyranny, receiving a comm from Tarn that it was time to go. Tailgate's engine hiccupped sleepily and he found himself at the common room of the Peaceful Tyranny.

Tarn was leaning on the back of his seat, his body loose, relaxed, and breathing slowly. The rest of the DJD division looked like they had just gotten off a dose of circuit speeders, grinning widely and frames relaxed as well.

Tailgate smiled up at them. "Did you guys have a good time on Hedonia too?"

Tarn looked down at Tailgate and smiled behind his mask. "Ah yes Tailgate. We had a _very_ good time. And you?"

Tailgate immediately started gushing about how much fun he had, while all DJD members looked at him with fond optics. It had been an eventful day, between all the walking and excitement, Tailgate was ready to retire to the good old berth slab.

Tailgate was tempted to ask what the DJD were doing, but he really _was_ starting to get sleepy.

While walking toward his habsuite, he passed an ominously locked door, and if he pressed his helm against it, he could hear muffled sobs behind it.

Shrugging his shoulders, he went on toward his habsuite. Helex and Tesarus told him that sometimes they liked to watch horror videos and often forgot to shut them off. Besides, Kaon left his energon goodies in his room! Tailgate ran toward his room, carrying around the petro-bunny with its soulless black eyes, glinting in the lighting of the Peaceful Tyranny.

**XXXXXXXXXXxxxxxx(KAWAII)xxxxxxXXXXXXXXX**

_Princess Lights: LOL, dark again_

zombiesluvme: Well this is the DJD you're writing about (I wouldn't have it any other way)


	5. Soundwave: Superior

_Princess Lights: HAHAHAHAHA (Sometimes I wish I could tell Tailgate: "With great power... comes great irresponsibility")_

_zombiesluvme: "With great cuteness, comes great amounts of bots who want to jump you" more like._

**_WARNING! Some (a lot of) mentions and displays of homo in this chapter._**

**XXXXXXXXxxxxx(Cutie Patootie)xxxxxXXXXXXXX**

Tailgate shoveled the gooey mess of scrap metal mixed in within energon. It reminded him of his less fortunate days, and made his cheery demeanor fall a bit.

It wasn't easy being him. He was basically one of the hundreds of bots that were considered drones. Pit, the highlight of his career was getting that job on the Ark, and look how that turned out.

At least this time he had company. The Pet snuffled around him, allowing Tailgate to shovel away the mess into a gigantic pile, then proceeded to stick his snout within the sticky mess and sniff around.

Tailgate noticed that whenever it encountered glass like bits, it usually ate them. Tailgate paid it no mind, shrugging the entire thing off.

Until he encountered the finger.

Tailgate had frozen into a statue observing the finger amongst the metal scraps. Tailgate felt his tanks churn the slightest bit as he fearfully looked at the damn finger.

Tailgate swallowed and slowly shoveled away the finger with the other parts- Oh Primus what if he was shoveling dead mech bits?! He had seen Tesarus' torso blender! That's where most of this mess had come from int the first.

He quickly stepped away from the scrap he was shoveling and used the public comm that Kaon had installed on the Peaceful Tyranny. Tarn answered with a lazy voice.

"Yes?"

"Erm, Tarn, it's me, T-tailgate. Do, do you h-have a moment?"

Tarn suddenly sounded more alert.

"Tailgate? Is something the matter?"

"Well, you see, I've been cleaning around hanger, and I think I'm kinda... shoveling dead bits? More precisely, dead mech bits?"

Silence on the other end. Then the voice spoke.

"You may be correct in that assumption Tailgate. We often throw the corpses of the traitors through Tesarus' torso tunnel. There they will be taken to the incinerator and melted down for spare parts."

Tailgate carefully digested the information he had been handed. "Thank you Tarn, for cleari-"

The minicon said no more as his helm burst with a sudden spurt of smoke and his processor crashed. Tailgate landed on his face, missing the scrap pile by mere inches.

The Pet uncaringly draped itself across Tailgate's comatose frame as it licked its energon stained paws.

**XXXXXXXXxxxxx(Cutie Patootie)xxxxxXXXXXXXX**

"_Just a panic attack combined with a processor crash. Nothing to concern us too much about._" Vos replied reassuringly as he and Tarn both looked at the minibot lying asleep on the medical berth. Tarn breathed out relieved.

"Thank you Vos."

Tarn rubbed the helm of Tailgate's forehead and marveled at how long the minicon had survived with them. About time for some damage to happen. It was probably due to Vos' unhealthy obsession with-

"Vos? What do you believe you're doing?"

Vos froze, as did the syringe that had been aiming to stab itself within Tailgate's neck. He held a hand behind his back as soon as Tarn had activated his voice box. "_Nothing...sir? Just... just a... relaxer! To help our dear Tailgate recover quicker!_"

Tarn held out a hand, and Vos quickly put the syringe in his leader's outstretched servo. Tarn shook his head. Vos slowly drew the other hand and put the hidden bottle into his leader's hand. Tarn lifted the bottle to his eyes and read the description.

Bose's Aphrodiastic! Quick and even HOTTER results!

The blue liquid inside matched the one on the syringe. There were no words needed. Tarn simply stared at Vos in disbelief.

Vos had his eyes fixedly pointed on the monitor keeping check of Tailgate's vitals. "_I said it was an relaxer didn't I?_"

Tarn opened his mouth to reply, but there was a sudden ping on his commlink.

He opened the network and hissed into the connection. "What?"

Kaon sounded breathless. "Sir! Sir! We have received contact from Cybertron! Soundwave wishes to update us upon the List!"

Tarn's optics became suddenly bright. "Already? What could have caused this-"

"I don't know sir, but officer Soundwave told us that this particular trip would yield even bigger results then our last trip!"

Tarn grinned savagely behind his mask. There must have been a huge shift of events. It might even have something to do with the so called "war's end."

Idiot Decepticons. The war would never be over. Ever.

"Set course for Cybertron, Kaon. Make sure to hover just out of Cybertron's detectors. Ah yes, coordinate a failsafe route to enter Cybertron as well. I have a feeling we'll need it."

Tarn leaned back into his chair, his eyes focused on Tailgate snoring away on the berth. This minicon would be a deadly yet courteous weapon when it came to dealing with Soundwave.

Don't get him wrong. Tarn admired the Third in Command of the Decepticon's just as much as the next mech. But he had always shared this secret... rivalry with Soundwave. The fact that his loyalty to his lord Megatron would always to compared and debated alongside with Soundwave's just rubbed him the wrong way.

Why couldn't he be the solitary icon to inspire Decepticons to love and serve their lord?! So then came the stares. It escalated to the tense conversations. Finally, to the point where Soundwave refused to meet the DJD even in person.

Tarn for one had no idea how this happened. But at the very least they at least got to see Soundwave's faceplates and him theirs.

But Tarn had the upper hand this time. He knew Soundwave's most embarrassing, most effective and terrible weakness.

Their names were minicons. Symbioses, specifically those who had been formatted smaller frames.

Tarn knew for a fact that Soundwave interfaced with his smaller compatriots. He had the unfortunate accident of accidentally walking in on one of Soundwave's nightly activities with Rumble and Frenzy. Soundwave considered himself the saving grace toward the abused lower class, apparently only interfacing with them if they were willing.

_Ha!_

Tarn knew better. He had seen the look in Soundwave's visor whenever the officer saw another minicon. The look was positively _hungry_.

What better way to... subtly _torture_ his rival then to... Oh this was going to be good.

**XXXXXXXXxxxxx(Cutie Patootie)xxxxxXXXXXXXX**

"Tarn, do I _really_ have to sit on your lap? I thought we were going to speak to Soundwave, pretty much the greatest mech ever since Megatron!"

"And we are Tailgate," Tarn soothed the distressed minicon, "But I must have you within camera view when I introduce the newest addition of our glorious cause."

Tailgate shifted a bit uncomfortably and nodded his consent. Tarn was positively tickled. He was so giddy his spark chamber was nearly vibrating. Oh, he couldn't wait to see the look on Soundwave's faceplates-! Setting his optical sensors to full capacity, he readied himself for the show that was going to take place.

The screen in front of him flickered, buzzed, then revealed Soundwave.

"Command: Tarn-"

The voice stopped. The visor changed color and suddenly everything focused on Tailgate. The minicon felt the change in the air around him and shifted uncomfortably. Tarn gave Tailgate a tiny poke in the side. The minicon jumped at the jab and immediately recovered his vocalizer.

"Um...My designation is Tailgate...sir!" Suddenly remembering his manners, he immediately finished his introduction with a clumsy salute.

Soundwave still had not moved nor spoke. His vents let out a gusty explanation that seemed to carry the words: _Oh Primus._

Tarn ran a finger down the side of Tailgate's face, grinning as widely as the devil himself behind his mask. "I see you have noticed the newest addition to our humble division, Officer Soundwave."

Soundwave looked steadily at Tarn. "Order: Will present to you secret route to Cybertron. Will give you List in person."

So it would seem that Soundwave's kink had worsened over time. _Perfect_. _Absolutely_ _perfect_.

"Oh, I don't know. You've always given us the List through video. What's the occasion, may I ask?"

Soundwave remained resilient. "Reason: None of your concern."

Oh, so it was the rank card. Tarn would gladly play along to this game.

"Oh no, I think I deserve to know this sudden change of spark. The last I checked, you and I were ranked the same. Now, do you want to explain to me why we're even having this conversation in the first place?"

Soundwave twisted slightly on the screen. "Reason being: Minicon has a different frameset from various members of the DJD. Want to check... up on Tailgate."

"Oh sir, you needn't concern yourself with-_GACK_!"

Tarn pressed his thumb down upon Tailgate's voice box.

"Checkup upon our newest recruit? Why Soundwave, you'd lead me to believe that you're insinuating I don't know how to take proper care of my subordinates. Besides, when has the great Soundwave ever concerned himself with the rookies?"

Soundwave slammed his hands upon the desk and glared into Tarn's optics.

"Reasons: Being none of your business. Order: come through route sent or do not come at all."

With that, the video blinked out. Tarn's grin behind the mask reached a whole new level of satisfaction.

**XXXXXXXXxxxxx(Cutie Patootie)xxxxxXXXXXXXX**

Tailgate sat on a chair far too large for him. He squirmed uncomfortably, with multiple eyes glued upon his frame. He felt a sudden shift with the weight on top of his head and nervously looked up.

Ratbat settled on top of him, licking away at his wings. Catching the glance that Tailgate peeped at him, he snapped back.

"What!? Never had sore wing joints before?!"

Tailgate quickly glanced down at the floor again, trying to focus on something else. Unfortunately there wasn't much.

"Oh man. He's so fragging cute."

"Hey. _Hey_! Blue-eyes! Wanna talk to some _real_ Decepticons?"

Tailgate straightened up and observed the twins. Kaon had filled him in on some of the designations; apparently the twins' names were Rumble and Frenzy.

His first impressions were not exactly the best.

The destination where they met Soundwave was a fully functional, but forgotten, Decepticon bunker.

Stepping off the peaceful Tyranny, Tailgate recognized Soundwave, the mech from the earlier transmission, standing in the shadows of the bunker surrounded by his cassettes. He sort of looked like a ringmaster from the circus he had attended, Tailgate giggled internally, encircled by the beast mode minicons.

Tarn abruptly scooped Tailgate up, halting his musings. The minicon nearly died of embarrassment at the following events that took place.

With a forcefully cuddled Tailgate to his chest, Tarn proudly introduced him to the Third Officer of the Decepticons, surrounded by open-mouthed cassettes.

Soundwave didn't even seem to hear Tarn. His creepy red-visored stare remained glued on Tailgate, his venting slow and controlled. Tailgate had simply clung tighter to Tarn.

When the leader of the Decepticon Justice Division finally walked off to discuss details about this "Black Shadow" character, Tailgate was left at the mercies of Rumble, Frenzy, Buzzsaw, Laserbeak, Ratbat and Ravage.

Rumble and Frenzy took a single look at their boss leaving the room then zeroed in on Tailgate with evil smirks.

They pulled Tailgate into the recreational room in the bunker. It was a quaint little room with a decent sized video screen and a couple of seats. It even had a bar. Small, but nevertheless, a bar.

After a few obvious come-ons from the cassettes that left Tailgate a nervous twitching wreck, Ratbat decided that here was a bot that even he could push around and landed atop the minicon's helm. And so, they were where they were now.

Tailgate waved his arms nervously at the minicons. "No, no, um... I'm too old for you guys!"

Oh wow. Way to go Tailgate. He might as well slap himself in the faceplates.

Rumble grinned back unabashed. "Oh yeah? Obviously not old enough to shake our interest. So, ya do top or bottom?"

Tailgate gapped at Rumble, vocalizer trying to snap something witty back, ultimately failing.

"Aw, what the hell are you going on about Rumble?" Frenzy interjected, his visor shuttered in annoyance. Tailgate sighed. Maybe here was the more rational twin.

"Look at that frame type! He's every bot's pleasure drone! I bet I could force him on his back without using my piledrives!

Never mind.

Tailgate shuffled himself awkwardly off his chair. Ratbat screeched out a profanity and perched by Buzzsaw and Laserbeak, the birds watching the scene before them with amusement "Well, this conversation is kinda taking a turn for the odd, weird, so I think I'm gunna leave now and find Tarn and-"

Ravage stood up from where he had been lying in the shadows. "Leave?"

Tailgate froze and suddenly realized his situation. Rumble and Frenzy sitting across from him, left and right occupied by the flyers, not to mention Ravage right behind him.

"Leave? Aw, you're a jokester aren't 'cha Tailgate? We just sat down." Frenzy drawled out with an innocent wide-visored look.

Tailgate swallowed nervously and climbed back on top of his chair. "Heh...hahaha..ha... yeah, you know me, always with the gimmicks..."

"Maybe we should get to know you better."

Oh frag, this was bad... Tailgate knew some of his buddies who worked with him in the scrap yard whom got into situations like this. Going out for an innocent drink, then became surrounded by multiple mechs and basically pressured into-

"So while we're here, might as well have a drink huh? Soundwave let us have full range of this bar and they're probably going to talk for hours." Frenzy interjected, grinning widely.

Tailgate laughed uneasily and gave a squirm. He really, _really_ wanted to run screaming from this place and jump into the ever increasing friendliness of the Peaceful Tyranny.

Rumble moved from his seat and sat right beside Tailgate. Tailgate felt his plating crawl as the minicon leaned so close to him that he could feel the heat coming off Rumble.

"So what about it huh? What does the senior mech want?" Rumble purred.

Tailgate shifted even further away. Ravage approached from behind and stood on his hind legs to level himself with Tailgate, placing his front paws on the edge of the panicking bot's seat.

"Don't be like that. What does Tailgate want, _hmm_?"

Maybe he shouldn't have talked. Maybe he should have simply stayed quiet and played strong. However, the sight of Ravage's teeth nearly made him burst a leak in his ballast.

"How about a weak energon spritzer?" Tailgate managed out faintly.

"Fragging weakling." Ratbat huffed.

There was a pained squeak as Laserbeak smacked Ratbat at the back of his head with his wing. Frenzy laughed as he propped a stool to help him reach the drinks. "One weak energon spritzer, coming right up!"

"I'll take a shot of Nightmare Fuel." Rumble called out lazily.

Frenzy huffed back. "You trying to get yourself drunk to summon up more courage?"

Tailgate sighed, and willed himself to relax. His relaxation technique was promptly broken as he felt Ravage rest his head on top of his own.

Tailgate cautiously looked up: "Wha..?"

A snorted "_Meh_." was his answer.

Tailgate let out a distressed whimper. Where oh _where_ was Tarn when you needed him?! Pit, he would even welcome Vos right about now. At least there was only one of him!

Frenzy returned and gave Ravage an irritated glare. Ravage gave another huff and shuffled off. (He even mumbled something about: "Just wanted to make sure that I had Tailgate's scent marked down." However, Tailgate was not even going to _consider_ wandering into the direction that conversation took.)

Tailgate gratefully accepted the drink then paused.

There were two pills resting at the bottom of his drink. Nearly transparent, but still detectable if he made sure his optical sensors were at their highest caliber and he squinted. The pills were rapidly shrinking, until they disappeared into nothing at all.

Tailgate restrained the trembling in his arms and gave a prayer of thanks to Primus that the other two Cassetticons couldn't tell he had been scrutinizing his drink due to the angle of his head, visor and facemask.

However, they grinned expectedly back at him. It was hard to tell, with Ravage laying in the dark, but he could have sworn that Ravage was sporting a smirk of his own.

Frenzy raised his own shot glass in the air. "Well? A toast, to the Decepticon cause. What was, will always be."

Rumble grinned again and clinked glasses with his brother. They both held out their glasses for Tailgate. Tailgate laughed again, clearing his throat to make sure the next few words came out clearly, not strut-shaking terrified like he hoped it sounded.

"Uhm, I can't really drink unless I have a straw. You know, mouth related reasons."

Rumble blinked and his brother slapped him around the back of head.

"Oh yeah!" Rumble cried out with a smile. "Straws, straws, crazy straws...Coming right up!"

Rumble ran over to the bar. Frenzy faced Tailgate, his grin now a tad bit forced. It seemed to speak: _You can't avoid this forever._

Rumble returned with a huge smile. A crazy straw that had all sorts of bends and curves within it. Tailgate hesitantly accepted it, internally screaming inside.

Rumble sat down beside his brother and retrieved his drink. Both wore identical grins. Gone was the childish mischievous that spoke of pranks and shenanigans. The grin that adorned their faces was the expressions of an evil heist gone right.

Tailgate was worried, but he had decided upon a plan every bit as cunning.

They held out their glasses for the toast and Tailgate thrusted his drink harder than necessary into the twins. The momentum forced the liquid inside the glass to spray up and spill over the sides. Over the sides and directly within the Cassettes own glasses.

All three paused and evaluated each other's reactions. Frenzy's mouth parted as he looked at Tailgate. Rumble bit his bottom lip hard.

Tailgate lifted his glass toward himself. Opening his fuel intake plate he gazed at the two.

"Not going to drink?" He asked shyly innocent.

"You're better then you look." Frenzy managed out, his visor wide.

"No wonder the DJD kept you." Rumble's voice was the barest whisper.

Ravage snorted. "Maybe we should have just gone with the original plan and-"

Kaon ran in and Tailgate nearly sobbed in relief.

"Tailgate we must leave immediately. Black Shadow has been spotted near the Clemency region."

Tailgate jumped up fast and grabbed Kaon's hand. "OK! Let's go! Quickly! Now!"

The two left the bunker hand-in-hand, Tailgate releasing a large vent of relief he didn't know he was holding. Standing on his tip-toes, he started to wave towards Tarn, who was boarding the Peaceful Tyranny himself.

Tailgate was suddenly wrenched out of Kaon's grip and staring into Soundwave's visor.

He was left completely frozen at the severity behind Soundwave's gaze. The Third in Command had grabbed him by both shoulders and lifted him up to stare at him intensely.

"Tailgate: Not obligated to remain with DJD." Soundwave said quietly.

Tailgate managed an intelligent: "Whut?"

Soundwave seemed to smile. "Tailgate: Can remain here with me. DJD: Are brutish monsters, probabilities of continued functioning low." Suddenly Soundwave dropped his mechanical pretense of talking. "Here, with me, I promise that no matter what happens, you will always be among those who... care about you. You'll be safe."

Tailgate paused, considering the words for a moment. He hadn't met anyone in this crazy time period that seemed willing to help others without a ulterior motive. Soundwave certainly looked sincere enough.

But...

Tailgate sighed as he gently patted Soundwave's servos.

"I'm really grateful for the offer, but... I kinda want to stay with the Decepticon Justice Division. It's stupid, and kinda clingy, but I just feel as if I should stay longer. I really like those bots, and their differences make them interesting and fun to live with."

Soundwave sighed and set Tailgate completely down on the ground. "I should have expected this. Remember, you are always welcome to join us."

Tailgate nodded gratefully and ran off to join the DJD on their ship.

Tarn nodded at the very sight of him, Kaon smiled, Helex waved with both his small arms and big arms, Tesarus gave an enthusiastic wave, and Vos... well, he was pretty sure Vos blew him a kiss.

And The Pet? The standard rub against the leg so strongly that he almost tripped over his pedes.

**XXXXXXXXxxxxx(Cutie Patooties)xxxxxXXXXXXXX**

_Princess Lights: I love how much homo there is. You can never have enough homo._

_zombiesluvme: I'm freaking dying over here. I just love how determined everyone is to get into Tailgate's plating._


	6. Life as it is Now

_Princess: *Screams pathetically* I WAS SICK! BUT NOW I AM BRAIN BUSTED!_

_Zombiesluvme: That sounds... painful_

**XXXXXxxxxx(An Aborable Nork)xxxxXXXXXXX**

Tailgate sat by one of the few rare windows of the Peaceful Tyranny that offered a full view of the stars outside. It had a counter large enough that he could balance himself perfectly to sit as he enjoyed the view outside.

There was a light sound directly right of him, and he turned his head wildly around. After the experience with Rumble and Frenzy, Tailgate was... well, for the better use of terms, he was totally on edge. Even now the slightest movement or noise startled him, despite the fact he was no longer on Cybertron.

Tarn held his arms up in a surrendering gesture. Tailgate relaxed visibly. "Oh... Hullo Tarn."

Tarn nodded his greeting and sat down beside Tailgate, joining him in watching the stars fly past the ship window. "You enjoy looking out at the universe Tailgate?"

Tailgate laughed. "Of course! It was... a-a rare thing at best when I worked on Cybertron."

Tarn regarded Tailgate with newfound curiosity. "Looking at the sky above was something rare? Please, do elaborate. I'd have thought a Bomb Disposal expert would live somewhat the... _glossy life_."

Tailgate rubbed his arms, not meeting Tarn's gaze in favour of the view in front of him. "Well, you see, I wasn't exactly the class of mech that was meant for the glossy life. More like the kind to- You know what, it doesn't matter. I couldn't even have the chance to earn the respect for myself. The last time I pursued a job that was a little above my caliber... _well_... six million years and here we are talking."

Tarn sighed aloud. "I can imagine your pain Tailgate, truly, we are not so different."

Tailgate glanced up from the glass, tilting his helm with interest. "Really? How's that?"

Tarn scratched the bottom of his mask thoughtfully. "I made a vow to leave everything about my past life behind when I joined the Decepticon Justice Division, but I can tell you honestly that our jobs were on the same level. Well, same level upon being that we were unable to achieve the best we could."

"Is that so..." Tailgate sighed.

"But does it matter? Everything was overturned when our lord Megatron came into power. He has liberated us of our past and pushed our race into a new future."

Tailgate felt his visor involuntarily glow brighter with mirth. It always seemed to happen when he saw Tarn's optics light up with happiness. "Yeah. He's freed us, hasn't he Tarn?"

Tarn nodded, then gave a start. "I seem to have forgotten my original objective. Tailgate, when we touch down on the planet, I would like you to remain on the Peaceful Tyranny. Normally the team would switch shifts to keep an optic on the ship, but seeing as you're here, can you perhaps keep a watch on the scanners in our stead?"

Tailgate bobbed his helm enthusiastically. "Of course! But... _And I'm not saying this because I'm complaining or anything_; but why me? I mean I don't really know much about ships and all... "

Tarn gave a mournful sigh. "We seem to have received intelligence that Black Shadow was spotted at the very planet we are approaching. The whole team is needed."

"Well, that makes sense I guess."

"Tailgate," Tarn continued locking the minibot in an intense stare, "it is irrelevant you do not stray from the ship. Black Shadow is a ruthless killer, betraying the very cause he swore his spark to for mere shanix."

Tailgate squeaked, unconsciously leaning back. He recovered quickly, trying to mask his hesitance by clearing his throat. "_What_?! Becoming a traitor for _money_? What a loser!"

Tarn chuckled. "Black Shadow is one of the Warrior's Elite; a loser perhaps, but a very strong one. So do you promise me? You will not get off this ship under any circumstances?"

"Of course not!" The minibot said. "That would mean disobeying you, OR getting myself killed!"

Tarn gave a formal nod. "Good. I'm glad we had this talk Tailgate."

The leader of the Decepticon Justice Division then left the minibot to his stargazing, heading off into the direction of the bridge.

Reaching his designation, Tarn quietly slipped into Kaon's office. There were multiple screens, and many cables hooked into Kaon's body. Overexposure to scanning and too much electricity in general had burnt out Kaon's optics long ago. No longer hindered, he could now continue in full earnest his search for various List mechs without his eyes irritating him.

Tarn coughed loudly behind Kaon. The communications mech hated it when the others popped out of nowhere and tapped his shoulder rudely.

Kaon turned to the general sound of Tarn voice and grinned widely. "Tarn? Is that you?"

"Yes Kaon, it is me."

Kaon pulled the cables and various materials from his body, activating his wireless attachment cameras to the ship. "Is there something you need?"

"Yes actually," Tarn said, his voice dropping suddenly. "Kaon, I wish to test Tailgates resolve to the cause."

Kaon slowly tipped his head. "What do you mean?"

"Well, Tailgate certainly _seems_ loyal enough, don't you agree?"

Kaon nodded slowly, unsure where to go from here.

"His frame type isn't suited for hand-to-hand combat, so he's no use to us on the field. I wish to see if he has the spark for this team. If he is courageous enough to risk his life or disobey orders for the greater good."

Kaon nodded, then the motion trailed off. "Sir, I have _no_ idea what you're talking about."

"Then let me put it this way..."

The rest of the conversation trailed to a quiet mumble directly within Kaon's audio sensors. But then_ you'd _really have to be blind in order to miss the way Kaon's smile slowly widened.

**XXXXXxxxxx(An Aborable Nork)xxxxXXXXXXX**

Tailgate groaned loudly. He was _sooo_ bored! And not even the Pet to keep him company this time!

Tarn had assigned him to keep watch of the general state of the Peaceful Tyranny through the monitors in Kaon's quarters. The screens displayed the scenery outside, giving the viewer an advanced warning before the slag hit the fan or something.

It may have been an office monitoring the safety of the ship, but Tailgate didn't feel safe at all.

The room was pitch black, all electricity dedicated to powering the heart of the surveillance system. The creepy landscapes outside made the lighting in the security cams seem greenish. And there was only the constant hum of machinery, accompanied by a loud beeping noise every time movement was detected close to the ship, to keep the silence at bay. As annoying and sudden as the beeping was.

Tailgate was proud, _proud dammit_, to admit that by the fourth time the abrupt noise scared the life out of him, he ran to retrieve his petro-bunny plushy.

If he had to sit there in the dark and stare at the creepy, green, waterless undersea life, then he was going to bring a friend along. Along with his remaining bag of energon goodies. And maybe a thermal blanket.

Tailgate couldn't even comm Tarn to ask how far along they were, the DJD leader telling him strictly before leaving for radio silence. They couldn't risk letting Black Shadow know they were here and run away.

For Primus sake, if a traitor had to hide, then why _here_? Why in the scariest planet Tailgate had ever laid his visor upon? It was like some _author_ wanted to introduce the DJD in the _scariest lighting possible_.

Wait. Why did he-

**BEEEEEE-WOOOOOO! BEEEEEE-WOOOOOO! BEEEEEE-WOOOOOO!**

Tailgate literally fell from the chair in fright. The noise totally shattered his train of thought and nearly gave him spark failure. He quickly pulled himself off the floor and opened the warning tab on the monitor. His visor widened in shock.

_No way_...

It said on the screen that one of the Peaceful Tyranny's thrusters had been screwed up! Broken! Clogged!

Tailgate's systems ran faster and faster from worry. Oh Primus, the rest of the DJD probably couldn't get off this planet on schedule if they were delayed! And didn't Tarn say something about going after another target on Clemency after this..?

_His name is Fulcrum, Tailgate. A mech convicted for cowardice, but has had the bad luck of surviving his sentence._

Oh Primus, Tarn was going to _KILL_ him!

Unless, Tailgate's gaze flicked over to the flashing warning glyph on the monitor. How did the ship thruster's get damaged anyway? Could- _could Black Shadow be sabotaging the ship_!?

Tailgate was panicking now. Venting the air quickly in and out of his intakes. He was dead. He was _sooo_ dead.

_Wait_.

Weren't there such things as false alarms? It could all be a misunderstanding! Tailgate could go check himself! But Tarn had ordered him to stay... on... ship... Oh dear Primus, this was an ultimatum wasn't it? Either get killed for disobeying orders, die from delaying the DJD, or be brutally murdered by a energon thirsty traitor.

Tailgate looked quietly at the screen, the world outside was the perfect setting for a hapless minibot to wander out and possibly getting bludgeoned to death by a bot or plant or something.

OK, maybe he wouldn't necessarily get killed for not heading out and try to remedy the problem. Maybe just beat up or something.

Tailgate laughed nervously and retrieved his rabbit, ready to go back into his room and hide under his berth until the fuss was over.

As soon as Tailgate set foot outside the monitor room, he let out a small whimper. Even if he had presented himself all the logical reasons upon why he should not, _REPEAT, SHOULD TOTALLY NOT,_ go outside unarmed and alone, with a traitor Six Phaser running loose, he knew his mind had been made up the second he received the message.

**XXXXXxxxxx(An Aborable Nork)xxxxXXXXXXX**

Tailgate crept off the landing ramp as if it was glass. His entire body was shivering and the petro-rabbit was clutched to his body in a death grip. Tailgate felt scared, yet excited at the same time for disobeying Tarn. (Tarn, of the DJD, scary bot that executes traitors and handpicked by Megatron himself, yes?)

As soon as his pedes touched the alien ground Tailgate froze in terror, expecting to be blasted with a double fusion cannon, or kicked all the way back to Cybertron. When no scream of outrage was heard, Tailgate immediately ran toward... _errr_... where was the third ship thruster located again?

Tailgate drove a full circle around the ship, carefully observing to see if there was any damage to the ship at all.

But... the weird thing was that everything looked pretty normal.

The thrusters were fine, nothing clogged or blown up. The ship itself was in prime condition... So maybe Kaon boosted the sensitivity in the ships scanners too much?

Tailgate let out a tiny nervous laugh in relief. It was nothing after all! Well, time to go back to the ship and act as if nothing happe-

_VOMF_!

Tailgate jumped into the air as a loud explosion sounded off behind him. Turning around with alarm, he saw a hurtling metal piece heading straight toward his face. His last reflex was to hold the petro-rabbit over his head in order to soften the blow. Sadly, it was not enough.

Tailgate went out like a light, quick enough for him to barely register the pain.

**XXXXXxxxxx(An Aborable Nork)xxxxXXXXXXX**

"Tailgate? Please wake up. Tailgate you've been passed out for a while now, please tell me you haven't been knocked stupid." Tarn sighed.

"_Tarn, he clearly needs a systems reboot. Through sex. I will gladly provide-_"

"I'm awake, I'm awake!" Tailgate screeched as he flapped his arms around, everything doubled and the world spinning alarmingly. When he finally focused he realized that the DJD had surrounded him, looks of mild concern on their faces. Vos looked disappointed, even with the mask.

Tailgate looked around wildly, helm aching and fans spinning loudly. "Whu-What hit me? Why did I pass out?"

Everyone paused, and their heads slowly turned toward Tarn. The leader of the Decepticon Justice Division himself barely flinched as all the looks connected.

"Well, Tailgate, as you can see, we have already executed Black Shadow-"

"What? Are you alright? Are any of you hurt?"

"We're all fine Tailgate; but it seems I used my voice too hastily."

Tailgate looked blank.

"I'll explain later- but you see Tailgate, when a Phase Sixer's spark is extinguished, they usually have a tendency to... How do I put this delicately..? They tend to explode."

Tailgate nodded slowly they snapped his fingers, his visor wide. "So that's the "VOMF!" sound I heard just before... but... what exactly hit me?"

Vos pointed to the object lying right beside Tailgate. The minibot looked down beside his leg and squealed in disgust and fear.

It was a forearm. It was the fragging forearm of a mech. Holy slag, it touched him! And dear holy Primus above, it still had its energon lines and it was still bleeding! GROSS!

Leaping up, he stumbled and fell directly within the crouching Vos' lap. From that angle to was able to observe another tragedy.

Tailgate gasped at the sight of his petro-rabbit plushy. An ear was torn off! Oh no!

Tailgate raced over and looked dejectedly at the two pieces. His rabbit was scarred!

"At any rate," Tarn sighed trying to ignore the minibot's theatrics, "we should return to the ship."

Tailgate whimpered at the sight of his rabbit. Even with a single ear ruthlessly torn off, it was still pretty cute. Tailgate squeezed the rabbit affectionately as he joined the rest of the DJD back unto the ship. Carrying the torn ear in one hand, he swore he would someday attach the two together. Even if he had to die, in order to do it. Ha!

**XXXXXxxxxx(An Aborable Nork)xxxxXXXXXXX**

After the Peaceful Tyranny had lifted and started on its happy way to the planet Clemency, Tarn had Tailgate seated across from him for a "_serious discussion_."

"So Tailgate, would you like to explain to me why you were outside when I specifically told you it was unsafe?"

Tailgate squirmed under Tarn's gaze. The leader of the Justice Division didn't seem too upset, but Tailgate wasn't sure if somebot was capable of becoming so furious they no longer expressed emotions. Must... remain... calm... and do not... repeat _do not_... stare at Tarn's double fusion cannons...

"O-On the screen, it said one of the Peaceful Tyranny's thrusters had been damaged? I went to check if I could maybe fix it before you guys got back..."

Tarn tipped his head sideways. "You don't know a thing about engineering. What could you have possibly done?"

Tailgate straightened up. "Well, even if I'm not educated specifically in spaceships I had to do something! I couldn't just let something happen and delay you guys on my first watch on the Peaceful Tyranny!"

Tarn went still. "You were willing to go outside, where a Phase Sixer would probably be rampaging, disobey my orders, just to see what you could do, on the account you wouldn't want to delay us?"

Tailgate nodded.

"_Pfft_."

Tailgate jumped at the sound that Tarn had emitted. Did Tarn just... muffle a laugh?

Tarn covered his faceplate and waved Tailgate away, muffled laughter behind his hand. "You are welcome to go Tailgate now. _Heh, heh_..."

Tailgate ran the hell out of there frightened by the uncharacteristic sight of the normally stoic Decepticon.

Tarn sat in his seat, shaking his head. Oh, that Tailgate was one of a kind...

He immediately opened his private commlink to Kaon.

"Tarn, I assume by the sight of the minibot running back to his habsuite you two had your little talk?"

"Oh yes Kaon. By the way, thank you for setting up that little false alarm, the results that turned up were better than satisfactory..."

"I assume you were testing Tailgate's bravery in the face of possible danger?"

"Very well analyzed Kaon. Before you even ask, yes, I suppose in a way he proved that he actually cared about the ship. He went outside to check because he didn't want to delay us Kaon. Tailgate, without any experience, just walked out there. I'm not sure if I'm surprised by his adorable stupidity or the fact that he actually had the ball bearings to disobey me."

"When in battle, it is sometimes necessary to disobey a superior's order. That's what you like to quote."

"Kaon, let's put Tailgate under the X-ray. Make sure his little head isn't damaged from his injury."

"Primus, I'm still laughing about the fact that a flying forearm knocked him out, for frags' sake..!"

Tarn cut the connection, staring into space. He wondered how Tailgate was doing right now...

**XXXXXxxxxx(An Aborable Nork)xxxxXXXXXXX**

"V-vos, can you please stop touching my-_EEP_!"

"_No. I've waited long enough. By the end of this cycle, we'll have properly finished our love making. Now if you hold still, maybe the blood won't spray everywhere..._"

Tailgate wiggled in Vos hold, pinned to the medical berth by a slim, but strong, arm. And not to mention the chains that bound him to the metal slab... The Primal Vernaculist was shifting through various beakers and bottles, mumbling disheartening things under his vents.

"_Lubricant...Painkillers...Scalpel...Camera...Ahhh..._"

Tailgate whimpered. "Vos, you really don't have-"

A single slim, elegant finger gently set itself upon Tailgate's faceplate. "_Shhh, Tailgate, just hush. I promise you'll enjoy this. You know, before I carefully remove your eternal organs with my hands alone, carefully disconnect your visor and dig out your optic with my finger... Oh, but I mustn't spoil the surprise!_"

Tailgate trembled. "Oh Primus..."

Vos set the camera down carefully on the shelf facing them and clicked the record button.

"_Oh Taaailgaaate, it's time to plaaa-_"

"WHAT THE FRAG ARE YOU DOING VOS?!"

A gigantic metal arm threw the scientist into the shadows. There was a howl of pain as Vos slammed against the medical cabinets and he straightened to hiss at the interloper.

Helex.

"Geeeeetttt... OUUUUUTTTT!"

Tailgate yanked frantically on his restraints. "No, no, no, _STAY_! Oh please Helex, I can't even tell if he's actually trying to offline me or rape me this time!"

Helex held out an arm toward the scientist, attempting to speak calmly. "Vos, you gotta control those weird urges right now, OK? Tarn won't be happy if you make a mess in the medical bay. This place is supposed to stay clean of germs, you hear?"

Vos let out a menacing hiss. Crouching on all fours, he seemed ready to launch himself toward Helex. Until a certain voice stopped them all cold.

"Vos? Tailgate? Where are you two?" Tarn mused, but he sounded slightly concerned.

Vos hissed at Helex one more time before retreating back within the shadows.

Tan opened the door and was greeted with the sight of Tailgate tied eagle spread to the berth and Helex hovering over the minibot.

Tarn lowered his face toward his hand and rubbed his mask slowly but with considerable hopelessness..

**XXXXXxxxxx(An Aborable Nork)xxxxXXXXXXX**

Tailgate spent his next few cycles in Tarn's room, with the door locked, no double locked... Scratch that, it was triple bolted.

After an awkward explanation from Helex, consulting the medical bay security cameras, and hunting down a scientist, Tarn was wholly convinced that the only way to protect Tailgate, and to get the little bot to _calm the frag down_, on their journey to Clemency was to lock him in the most secure room on the Peaceful Tyranny.

The captain's quarters.

Tailgate was promised that Vos would have a through "_talking to_" and that the issue might be resolved after they finally land on Clemency itself.

Tailgate spent the first few hours paranoid out of his mind, curled up in the middle of Tarn's gigantic berth, literally cocooned in a spare thermal blanket he found under the bed.

Eventually, his joints began to stiffen and his body begged movement. Tailgate shifted out of his ball and looked around. The habsuite was still dark, sinister and spoke of unholy practices, but at the very least Vos wasn't in here.

Tarn's room was fairly bare, a large safe and a bookcase filled with datapads being the only clue to Tarn's hobbies.

The datapads explained a lot. But what about the safe?

Tailgate gave it a hard shove, and heard the contents inside rattle and roll. It was if the safe was filled with metallic balls. Weird. Maybe Tarn had an embarrassing hobby or something and didn't want anyone to see.

Tailgate laughed to himself. Even the scariest mechs had their normal sides he supposed. And everybody was entitled to their secrets.

The minibot settled down to read a random pad he had plucked off the shelf. Wrapped in the blanket, he was protected from the chill of the room, engrossed in reading the history he had missed through Megatron's works.

He spent hours in a comfortable pattern, reading, recharging, and allowing himself to slowly relax.

His concentration barely broke when Kaon announced that they had landed on Clemency and the little blue bot felt his optics droop down and eventually fell asleep; ignorant to the screaming mechs, blast from the Cybernought and Grimlock's roars.

Tailgate shifted and mumbled sleepily as Fulcrum sacrificed himself for his friends.

Tarn woke Tailgate up when Fulcrum's death wasn't all that it seemed.

**XXXXXxxxxx(An Aborable Nork)xxxxXXXXXXX**

Tailgate scrubbed furiously at the dirty floor glaring at Tesarus, the titan shifting awkwardly under the intense gaze. Energon from the grinder dripped unto the floor, trailing after Tesarus and continued to leak with little _plip, plip, plip'_s.

"You see, sometimes I activate my grinder from surprise, and there was this really weird tidal wave of solidified energon that just came and-"

Tailgate tuned out the excuses. He pointed the massive berth. "Tesarus? Can you please lie down? I need to clean your blades."

Tesarus froze. "Um, you see, I don't think that's a really good idea..."

Tailgate rolled his visor. "Tesarus, I'm hardly squeamish when it comes to cleaning energon, now just lie down and let me get started."

Tarn cleared his throat and put his hand on top of Tailgate's head. "I think what Tesarus means is that he's afraid you might injure yourself on his grinder's blades. They are extremely sharp after all, and should be better left to more experienced servos. I suggest Vos and a solvent soak around your torso area, Tesarus."

Tesarus smiled and relaxed. "Yeah. Yeah that's what I meant Tarn."

Tailgate's visor brightened. "You were actually concerned about my safety Tesarus? That's very nice of you!"

The minibot went on his way, inspecting the floor and rooms for any messes to clean up. Tesarus let out a giant vent of relief after the bot had left.

"Slag, woulda scared the little bitlet badly if he saw an arm or optic in here," he said tapping plating around his grinders. "Close call, huh?"

Tarn sighed. "The less Tailgate knows about us, the better. But I do suggest you really clean up soon, and please; for Primus sake, lock the door. The Peaceful Tyranny has been looking better with each week Tailgate spends here. I'd hate to deactivate our maid as it is."

Tesarus laughed. "Oh Tarn, you've got no spark; don't you find yourself attached just a little bit by now?"

Tarn raised an eyebrow behind his mask. "Am I supposed to? The only mech that my loyalty and attachment should, and is, be towards is Lord Megatron."

Tesarus shook his head. "I'll give you a couple more weeks. See if you crack by then."

**XXXXXxxxxx(An Aborable Nork)xxxxXXXXXXX**

_Princess Lights: It seems that Tailgate's life is already starting to settle in a steady pattern-__**NOT**__!_

_Zombiesluvme: Poor Tailgate, Primus help him. Also, bad Vos. Very bad Vos._


	7. Tiny Adventures

_Lights: I've decided to take 10 random words from the Random Word Generator (Yes, the internet is simply that sporadic my friend) and convert them into Tailgate's life aboard the Peaceful Tyranny._

_Magic 8 Ball: You're welcome to leave words in the comments below. But make them interesting! I'd rather learn something and write a piece of junk!_

**XXXXXxxxxxHeeHeeHaHaHoxxxxxXXXXX**

_Raspberry: the fruit of any of several shrubs belonging to the genus Rubus, of the rose family, consisting of small and juicy red, black, or pale yellow drupelets forming a detachable cap about a convex receptacle._

Tailgate stared down at the tiny red fruit and reevaluated his scanners. They were apparently in prime condition, and had no defects to speak of.

But he was sure they weren't made of energon!

Looking to his right, he saw the Pet scarfing the indigenous fruit down, eating the vegetation along with the fruit. Choking, but seemingly determined to eat whatever he could at the moment.

Alright, maybe it wasn't so much as that it was possibly energon, rather the fact that the Pet could choke down anything. Tailgate let out a small wince as he heard the Pet give a gag, but continue to eat anyways.

At least Tesarus was entertained that night when the Pet threw up a steamy, heaping pile of raspberries on his foot.

So entertained he nearly killed the Pet alongside with Kaon.

**XXXXXxxxxxHeeHeeHaHaHoxxxxxXXXXX**

_Frouzy: Fetid musty rank disordered and offensive to the smell or sight slovenly dingy._

Tailgate waved his hand in front of his olfactory sensors._ Pheeew-wew! _It was gross!

How in the world could anyone make such a terrible mess?

Tailgate was about to open Vos' closet door to reveal the source of the smell, before Tarn stopped him with one gentle hand.

Tailgate looked up to the leader of the DJD in question.

The eyes of Tarn crinkled up in what Tailgate realized now as a smile.

"There are some doors Tailgate," Tarn began placidly,"That are never meant to be opened."

Tailgate looked from Tarn to the door, then slowly backed away.

**XXXXXxxxxxHeeHeeHaHaHoxxxxxXXXXX**

_Oxyacid: An acid containing oxygen as chloric acid or sulphuric acid contrasted with the hydracids which contain no oxygen as hydrochloric acid See Acid and Hydroxy_

Tailgate looked in fascination at the scientists lab.

Vos acknowledged Tailgate with a subtle nod, then continued to scribble down his notes at his work-desk. There were two jars in front of him, one filled with white foamy liquid, the other a bright green.

There were multiple jars and vials that teetered on the edges of the tables menacingly, all filled with some sort of solid or liquid.

A multitude of beakers were bubbling away in their station, and Tailgate found himself fascinated by the multiple colours and smells.

Suddenly, Vos let out a panicked squawk, and grabbed Tailgate as he raced out of his lab.

Jamming his hand on the red button that lay outside his lab door, Tailgate winced as another door slammed down, the new door being covered in warning signs.

There came a loud, but extremely muted, explosion from within the lab, and Tailgate shuddered along with the ship.

Vos scratched the back of his head.

"_It would seem that nucleon energon certainly does make almost _ _anything_ _ illegal._"

**XXXXXxxxxxHeeHeeHaHaHoxxxxxXXXXX**

_Anthomania: A extravagant fondness for flowers_

Needless to say, everyone was quite surprised at Helex's secret hobby.

It wasn't surprising however, when Tailgate of all mechs, was the first one to find out.

He had noticed a odd, pleasant smell coming from Helex's storage compartments. His initial thought was that the smell was some sort of solvent that Helex stashed secretly away from his comrades.

And to be honest, the sort of solvent that Kaon supplied him with could never fully wash away the scent of Vos' exploits.

Opening the storage locker, Tailgate stopped for a moment and had to adjust his optical sensors for a moment to fully comprehend what he was seeing.

There was a multitude of flowers there, colours beautifully blending, each healthy with their strong stems. The smell nearly knocked Tailgate unconscious, a sudden wave of fresh life that trampled the normally cold, and sterilized scent of the Peaceful Tyranny.

If he looked closer, he could see that each flower had its own decoration, from bows to little smiley faced mechs.

Helex was a little less then pleased to find Tailgate there, but he waved it off and tended to his miniature garden.

Vos was the first to make a rather snarky comment directed to Helex.

It was all Tailgate could do to keep from laughing as he watched a enraged Helex waddle toward Vos while the scientist nimbly darted away.

**XXXXXxxxxxHeeHeeHaHaHoxxxxxXXXXX**

_Courtship: The act of paying court with the intent to solicit a favor_

Tailgate gave a small smile that was unable to be seen.

Soundwave was grinning underneath his mask as well.

The Cassetticons were happy as well, counting down the minutes before the panicky mech with legs joined them as one of Soundwave's cassettes.

Tarn was imagining Soundwave's head on a pike.

**XXXXXxxxxxHeeHeeHaHaHoxxxxxXXXXX**

_Academic: Belonging to the school or philosophy of Plato as the Academic sect or philosophy_

Tailgate whimpered as he buried his head in his hands.

This was impossible.

The questions that Kaon gave him were beyond impossible in fact! Even fragging Tarn excused himself when Kaon offered to test the leader's knowledge!

The Pet sniffed underneath his desk, apparently seeking morsels that always seems to come from the tiny bot.

Tailgate grinned underneath his mask as a devilish idea occurred to him.

Within a few minutes, Kaon walked in to find Tailgate napping on his desk, a serene expression on his faceplates.

The Pet was chewing on what remained of the test.

(Later, unbeknownst to Tailgate, his revenge was completed when the Pet began hacking up bit of datapad while the DJD were torturing another traitor.)

**XXXXXxxxxxHeeHeeHaHaHoxxxxxXXXXX**

_Inamorata: A woman in love; a mistress_

Tailgate buried his head in his hands, groaning with embarrassment.

Vos' choices during movie night should have been labeled a hazard.

They were either video clips were such a level of violence that Tailgate ceased eating for days, or "movies" that he was sure were exerts from a porn vid.

This particular night was a movie that depicted a slave mech (from Caminus, whatever that was) that was picked up by a powerful, influential mech, with the looks and personality of a god. The slave mech was ruthlessly fragged until he could barely move. Then there was some scrap about this mech falling for his master and whatever.

The DJD weren't exactly bothered.

Tesarus watched with a everlasting grin on his face, shouting out rabid remarks. Kaon was much more sarcastic, adding his jabs in with a barb. Tarn spent the majority of the time checking his internal chronometer, sighing as the movie lasted longer then he originally thought.

Amazingly, Helex slept.

The worst of them was the scientist. Tailgate shivered as he felt a slender foot play footsies with his right thigh.

**XXXXXxxxxxHeeHeeHaHaHoxxxxxXXXXX**

_Coral Fish: Any bright colored fish of the genera Chaeligtodon Pomacentrus Apogon and related genera which live among reef corals_

Tailgate gasped at the variety of gigantic fish that floated through the water. Their colours were amazing; bright and happy.

The DJD were currently hidden in the shallows of the lake, awaiting the traitor bot to appear.

Tailgate entertained himself in the shallows, chuckling at the way the fish brushed against his plating curiously.

These water aliens were nearly the size of Tarn. Small wonder the fish weren't frightened.

Tailgate laughed as the smaller fish began nibbling on his frame, apparently seeking out tasty morsels that could have been attracted to his metal body.

Laughter eventually turned into screams, as a particularly large coral fish picked him up and began leisurely swimming away from the DJD.

**XXXXXxxxxxHeeHeeHaHaHoxxxxxXXXXX**

_Acquisition: The act or process of acquiring_

The time was coming. Tailgate could nearly smell it.

He would avenge his wrong and renew the balance of the universe as he saw fit!

The Pet lifted its head and gave a deep, intimidating growl toward Tailgate as it stopped chewing on the disposal bot's petro-rabbit plushie.

Tailgate shivered and shrank back.

He would retrieve what was rightfully his.

But maybe not this minute.

**XXXXXxxxxxHeeHeeHaHaHoxxxxxXXXXX**

_Fub: A plump young person or child_

"Tarn! Vos called me a name!"

"Fub? The hell's a fub?"

"I dunno, but it sounds kinda cute."

"Yeah, I think so too."

"It's alright Tailgate, I'm sure that Vos meant no offence."

"But Tarn-!"

Tailgate remembered clearly the day he received the nickname _ ._

His mouth was still watering for revenge.

**XXXXXxxxxxHeeHeeHaHaHoxxxxxXXXXX**

_Lights: I hope you liked it! I'll probably shift back to normal chapters when inspiration bitch slaps me (again)_


	8. Teeny Tiny Adventures

_Lights: Thank you for the suggestions and enjoying the last chapter._

_Magic 8 Ball: And thank the audience for pertaining the slightest amount of intelligence._

_Lights: AND THANK YOU TO MY BAE ZOMBIE FOR EDITING THIS LOLIBOT TRASH FIC_

**XXXXxxxxCutieSheneigansxxxxxXXXXX**

_Prestidigitation: Magic tricks performed as entertainment._

Vos bowed in front of his audience; the said audience made up of solely the DJD and exactly one excited disposal bot.

Taking the hat off with exaggerated flourish, Vos tapped it twice with his wand and cried out some gibberish for added effect.

Tailgate and Tarn both looked visibly ill as the "gibberish" was in actuality, a string of Primal Vernacular profanity that was vile enough to make Tarn flinch. Thankfully, the vast majority of the audience remained oblivious.

Reaching into the hat, Vos amazingly managed to pull out the Pet.

Tailgate and the DJD let out a gasp, amazed that such a large animal could fit within such a seemingly small space.

The surprise was promptly tossed away and forgotten as the Pet suddenly went berserk, scratching, biting and clawing at Vos, while all other mechs cried out in alarm and ran to help their comrade.

It was the also last time that Vos attempted, "healthy pastimes."

**XXXXxxxxCutieSheneigansxxxxxXXXXX**

_Gromit: A young'un. Typically inexperienced, and has a lot to learn._

Tarn rubbed his mask, body and mind exhausted.

"Tailgate, we need to talk."

Tailgate was sitting across from him, visor wide open and apparently innocent.

"About what?"

Tarn groaned.

"When a stranger stops and offers you energon goodies, then propositions to take you back to his ship for "healthy conversation" that is _not_ typically something you would like to get involved in."

Tailgate was silent for a long time.

"Why not?"

Tarn buried his head in his hands and nearly sobbed.

**XXXXxxxxCutieSheneigansxxxxxXXXXX**

_Sphallolalia: Flirtatious talk that leads nowhere._

Helex looked in amusement as Tesarus cornered the disposal bot. The gigantic grinder had recently stumbled upon a relationship datapad that one of the traitors had in his ship. Inside were the most hilarious pickup lines the DJD had ever encountered.

Of course, knowledge like that just _had_ to be used and abused.

Unfortunately, Tarn would just give weird looks, Kaon would probably zap him to the point of grinder malfunction, and Vos would kill Tesarus, plain and simple. (The scientist's idea of romance was to stalk a disposal mech until the minibot had a panic attack)

Of course, with all these bots that Tesarus was unable to approach, he simply went after the one that had no right or the ability to avoid him.

"Say Tailgate. Are you religious?"

"Um, no, but-"

"Because you're the answer to all my prayers."

"Tesarus, you've been at this for _three hours_-"

"Is there a shuttle nearby, or is it just my spark taking off?"

Helex rolled his eyes. He was about to tend to his own business before he felt a hand grab his arm.

Looking down, he saw Tesarus smirking at him.

"Helex, your beauty makes the sun look like the dull glittering of the moon."

Helex tried to remain impassive, but his lips curled up in a grin.

_Maybe_ that book Tesarus was reading was half-way decent-

"No Vos, I won't butter your buns, whatever the heck that means-**_ACK_**-_TARN HELP_!"

Both titans cursed as they heard the familiar sound of their leader rushing to the disposal bot's rescue. Again. (For possibly the third time that steller cycle. The sight of Tesarus reading out those lines must have riled up the scientist somewhat.)

**XXXXxxxxCutieSheneigansxxxxxXXXXX**

_Ladylove: A sweetheart or mistress._

Tailgate tipped his head to the side.

"Vos, I'm not really sure what that means."

"_Well, Tailgate, it means you should probably say yes before I stab you in the optic with a scapel-_"

"Tarn, Tailgate needs assistance!"

"_A curse on you Kaon!_"

**XXXXxxxxCutieSheneigansxxxxxXXXXX**

_Fate: A fixed decree by which the order of things is prescribed the immutable law of the universe inevitable necessity the force by which all existence is determined and conditioned._

Tailgate stared out the window, looking at the planets that passed steadily by.

This part of the universe was particularly beautiful, with the constellations clearly outlined and the planets in a variety of complimenting shades.

But with all its natural beauty and splendor, Tailgate couldn't shake the feeling that he wasn't meant to be here.

It wasn't enough that he had to start life at the very bottom of the society. Maybe fate was against him too. Perhaps he wouldn't ever feel safe and secure anywhere.

Tesarus looked out the window where Tailgate was gazing so intently at.

"Whatcha looking at, shorty?"

Tailgate startled. "Oh-No-nothing! I was just thinking about… _stuff_."

"Stuff like what?"

Tailgate looked out the window again. "It doesn't matter."

**XXXXxxxxCutieSheneigansxxxxxXXXXX**

_Perspicience: The act of looking sharply_

The Pet peered around the corner, while it strolled through the Peaceful Tyranny.

It was generally a quiet place, occasionally disturbed by that weird little bot with legs.

Walking down the hall, he peered in the door that belonged to Alpha.

The DJD's leader was pacing around his room, mumbling lines that he would use against the next traitor he encountered.

The Pet shook his head. Foolish mech. Self-consciousness was a weakness.

It wandered toward two loud voices.

Tesarus and the bigger one were arguing, probably over that weird monitor that showed videos. The Pet shook its head again.

Those two bordered on _childish_. It was a shame that Tesarus and Helex were considered the muscles of the DJD.

The Pet saw Tailgate walking through the hall, sweeping up the dust that was gathered from the last alien planet.

At least the Pet could somewhat understand this one. He was much more grateful that he could walk around the ship's halls without slipping on a mech's remains.

But an idiot was still a moron, no matter how many deeds they did. It didn't mean that he didn't belong to him though.

Giving the minibot a hard rub against the side (ignoring the squeak of surprise he emitted) it wandered down the hall again.

Sniffing the air, he caught the faint scent of foul chemicals and burnt metal.

It would seem Vos was in the area.

The Pet preferred to avoid Vos. He _hated_ that mech. The scientist had tried to tear into his hide many times in the past with his instruments and drugs.

The Pet walked back to his master's habsuite, peering in the room to see Kaon typing away at the monitor.

He snorted to alert his master of his presence and Kaon immediately smiled.

"Why, hello Pet. Gone exploring again have you?"

The Pet padded over to Kaon, purring as a hand rubbed his ears and stroked the seams in his head

Kaon was the only perfect one on this ship.

**XXXXxxxxCutieSheneigansxxxxxXXXXX**

_Excitement: The act of exciting or the state of being roused into action or of having increased action impulsion agitation as an excitement of the people._

Tailgate lifted his plushie into the air and cried out happily.

_Finally_, after _months_ of hard work, _endless_ tutorials, and the gathering of materials, he managed to create and attach his petro-rabbit's ear back!

Good _Primus_ above, and the Unmaker below, had he pulled some strings in order to retrieve the necessary materials!

Granted, the DJD were not particularly happy to stop at alien planets and wait for their tiny maid to scoop up random sewing implements, but "thankfully" there were traitors hanging around those areas.

The bunny seemed to scowl in his direction even as he held it up and spun it around in happiness.

Ah well. He was used to it.

As he threw it once more into the air, a sudden roar had Tailgate ducking toward the ground by instinct. The Pet launched itself through the air and its teeth clamped down on the airborne plushie.

Tailgate felt tears in his eyes as the Pet began gnawing away at his newly repaired bunny.

**XXXXxxxxCutieSheneigansxxxxxXXXXX**

_Spatula: An implement shaped like a knife flat thin and somewhat flexible used for spreading paints fine plasters drugs in compounding prescriptions etc. Cf Palette knife under Palette._

Vos cackled as he speared a charred energon treat and flipped it so high in the air it stuck to the ceiling.

The scientist was not discouraged in the slightest, instead grabbing the batter and preparing another energon pancake.

Tailgate sat with the others, munching away at the much more edible food that Kaon had prepared alongside Vos.

Tesarus had his mouth stuffed full of the food whereas Helex ate his much more slowly. Tarn sliced his pancakes into tiny pieces and inserted it through the mouth slit in his mask. If anyone dared to commentate on the state of his messy mask, they would receive a direct blast from Tarn's double fusion cannons.

Tesarus had learned it the hard way.

Tailgate theorized that Vos was the more immediate threat then Tarn at the moment.

He was proved right when Helex let out a sudden scream of pain as a pancake was tossed through the air and landed directly on his optic.

Purposely or by accident, it was difficult to tell.

**XXXXxxxxCutieSheneigansxxxxxXXXXX**

_Confiscate:to seize as forfeited to the public domain; appropriate, by way ofpenalty, for public use._

"_No! You can't! My work!_"

Tailgate peered around his door, surprised by the sound of Vos in distress.

He didn't seem to be the only one. Helex and Tesarus paused in their conversation, carefully focusing their audio sensors to catch every word.

"Vos, this project of yours has dragged you down for long enough. I need you to focus your attentions on our most recent traitor." Tarn's voice was so calm Tailgate thought he detected a hint of sadistic glee in the leader's voice.

"_Tarn! Please!_" Vos bleated.

Tailgate saw the two begin to walk into the very hallway he was residing in. As Tarn and Vos walked past, Tailgate saw Tarn carrying a case that was oozing some sort of foul yellow liquid.

Tailgate could have sworn that he heard something in that case growl at him.

**XXXXxxxxCutieSheneigansxxxxxXXXXX**

_Frog: Any tailless, stout-bodied amphibian of the order Anura, including thesmooth, moist-skinned frog species that live in a damp or semiaquatichabitat and the warty, drier-skinned toad species that are mostlyterrestrial as adults._

After the fish incident, Tailgate made sure to keep a certain degree of caution when it came to organics.

But these were so _cute_!

The DJD crew simply hung around the bog-like regions of the planet they were currently staking on, and Tailgate found those adorable little hoppers.

They seemed to enjoy consuming those weird smaller insects that buzzed around the bog, and spent a large majority of their life leisurely swimming or hanging around those floating plants while ribbiting.

They were about the size of Tailgate's servo, and they were all vividly coloured.

Vos told him a few cycles back that the more vividly coloured the "frogs" were poisonous, but thankfully, only affected organics.

Funny enough, they spent a large majority of their time rubbing against Tailgate or just swarming around him in general.

Tailgate personally believed that the frogs were extra friendly to him because they didn't have chances snuggling up to other organics, being poisonous and all.

Tesarus snickered underneath his breath as the frogs nearly combusted with frustration at the fact they couldn't stop the tiny little mech from invading their territory.

**XXXXxxxxCutieSheneigansxxxxxXXXXX**

_Lights: As always, more words are always appreciated! Please make them really weird and nerdy!_

(to submit word ideas leave a comment on Cute Isn't Easy on archiveogourown)


	9. The Lost Light

_Lights: And now we shift our attention back to regular chapters! Yayyyyy…*Waves hands and slowly tips off chair*_

_Zombiesluvme: Don't hurt yourself!_

_Lights: Hahahaah-AWK!_

**XXXXXxxxxxZombieIsAWeeabooxxxxxXXXXX**

Tailgate peered around the jungle, trying to find a pool of water.

He was nearly growling, ignoring any plants or terrified organics that fled from his pedes.

Normally, he had nothing against nature; but when you fell into the same pool of mud thrice, you were bound to have some form of bitterness in your spark.

Finally finding the waterfall, Tailgate rinsed himself underneath the water, sighing as most of the mud slid off his plating.

It was only after the water washed most the grime and fustration off his frame that Tailgate realized how far off path he had gone. And after journeying a few feet in the direction he thought he came from, he realized how lost he had become.

Trying to control his breathing and mounting distress, the minibot gave himself a little pep talk.

"It's alright Tailgate… You'll just follow your footprints to the Peaceful Tyranny and then have a cup of tea and try to forget this ever happened…Yeah, that's it…."

He took about four steps before collasping down on the ground.

"Except we don't have tea on the Peaceful Tyranny! I'm _lost_!"

A tightening in his vocalizer foretold an incoming panic attack. No, no, no_, no, no, no_… He wouldn't get saved here; he was practically in the middle of nowhere!

He didn't really expect the DJD to come rescue him. The last time Tesarus accidentally tipped out of the Peaceful Tyranny while on liftoff, Kaon responded to Tailgate's panic with one elegantly arched optic brow and exactly one bored: "So what?"

_Primus, he didn't want to die_! Granted, they eventually made their way back to Tesarus, but by the time they arrived, Tesarus was unconscious from the impact of the fall.

Tailgate whined. He had to make his way back to the Peaceful Tyranny on his own! No buts, ifs or questions!

Tailgate walked for a long time, mostly using his footprints as guides. Or what he hoped were his footprints. He had to be on the right track, since he had to climb to the top of the same cliff he tripped over. It was a mostly successful effort.

The point was, by the time he had made it on top of the cliff, Tailgate was practically indistinguishable between fauna and mud.

However, one visor flashed determinedly behind the gunk as he backtracked through the jungle.

Tailgate might've made it back to the Peaceful Tyranny. He could've been showering off the organic matter within an hour of his current state.

But unfortunately, fate found another road for the minibot. Or fortunately, depending on how you looked at it. _Oh, I don't fucking know-_

"Dear mother of frags! Skids, come look at this!"

"Look at what Swer- HOE-LEY!"

"It's a walking blob!"

Tailgate turned his head toward the voices, seeing two other bots. The taller one was mostly blue, whereas the red one was about his height.

Tailgate shuffled toward them. "Excuse me, have you happened to see a ship around here…?"

They started back. The blue one was opening and closing his mouth, but with no sound coming out. The red bot compensated for both of them.

"Cool! So even blobs can talk! What's your name buddy? Oh wait, let me get the energon sticks… _Bah-weep-graagnah weep ni ni bong!_"

Tailgate shook his head (_Wasn't that the universal greeting?_) "I'm not a blob! I'm Tailgate! A Cybertronian! Like you!"

Skids shook his head, tipped his head and squinted at Tailgate. "_Yeeeeah_… I'm pretty sure that even blobs can make up tricks."

Tailgate scrapped off some of the mud and gunk. "See!? Metal underneath!"

Swerve came up and helped Tailgate scoop the most of it off on that one particular spot. "Look at that Skids! He really is mechanic!"

Tailgate looked at them, trying to stretch his visor as pleadingly as possible. "Listen, I'm kinda lost here, so can you two please help me back to my ship?"

Skids rubbed the back of his head. "We don't really have a lot of time… But sure. I guess we can if your ship is in the area. What's its name? We might be able to send out a transmission."

"Oh! It's the Peaceful Tyranny!"

Swerve and Skids stopped talking at once.

Their optics were blown white. Then they turned toward each other.

Throwing their heads back, they began guffawing in synchronization.

**XXXXXxxxxxZombieIsAWeeabooxxxxxXXXXX**

"So anywho, me and Skids found this hilarious joker on that alien planet below us."

"I'm not joking!"

"Yeah, he's a hoot! Rodimus! Oy! Didn't you promise to pick up strays and such?!"

"_Rodimus_" Tailgate observed, was a flame coloured mech that seemed more preoccupied with scratching glyphs into the desk beside his, than looking at him. Rodimus nodded half-heartedly as he continued to scratch and pick.

Another huge mech walked in, then paused.

He was mostly blue, and white, but all Tailgate could see was a look of utter surprise then one twitching optic.

"Rodimus..? Are you… Scratching glyphs depicting profanity and manual instructions upon how to break rules of conduct... on my _desk_?"

Rodimus never even glanced up. "Yep."

**XXXXXxxxxxZombieIsAWeeabooxxxxxXXXXX**

"… and that's how I ended up on the Peaceful Tyranny, acting as the DJD's maid, basically."

Cyclonus looked at Tailgate with interest, his expression mostly sullen, but Tailgate could still decipher some flickers of emotion. Living with a guy who welded a badge to his face gave you amazing abilities like that.

"I guess you're going to say that I'm lying, like every other bot on this ship."

Cyclonus shook his head. "I doubt that a mech like you, who has been stuck underground since Nova Prime lifted off from Cybertron, can imagine a story like that. Besides, even if I accuse you of lying, how did you end up on that alien planet in the first place with no ship and the ancient inner mechanisms that rival mine?"

Tailgate sighed and leaned back, resting his back on the wall. "Thanks Cyclonus."

"What I find hard to believe is that Tarn hosts a reading session called the "_Poetry Jam_."

**XXXXXxxxxxZombieIsAWeeabooxxxxxXXXXX**

Tailgate didn't even know what to make of this ship.

He wasn't really used to hanging around and doing nothing, and he was even less accustomed to the art of being… safe for once.

Well, maybe not.

"_Heeeeyy_, tiny ancient bot! Whatcha _doing_!?"

Tailgate started walking faster, whimpering a little bit underneath his breath. Not that bot again!

Whirl was his name, and he reminded Tailgate a bit too much of Vos.

Tailgate felt a slender (but _insanely_ strong) arm wrap around his waist and pull him toward the helicopter.

"So how about this? I crack the mono-horned Decepticon's head open and you buy me a drink at Swerve's in celebration?"

Tailgate flailed in Whirl's hold. "Whirl, please, I have to go! Cyclonus and I are going to host poetry night! Chromedome and Rewind love it!"

He wasn't lying. After settling in, Cyclonus seemed delighted to know that Tailgate also had an interest in singing and poetry.

Of course, there was the occasional case of Drift or another heavy bot bursting in; telling Cyclonus to place his hands on his head… But hey! What could you do?

Tarn was a great inspiration to Tailgate, and the minibot was proud to acknowledge the fact that he was the official founder of the annual Lost Light Poetry night.

The bots that usually wandered in were mostly the quiet bots, or those that had been some sort of artist in the war previously. The poems that were recited or sang were normally enough to drive Tailgate to tears, so beautiful they were.

He sworn he could have seen Cyclonus roughly swipe at his optics when Chromedome lightly sang a sonnet to Rewind. He knew for a fact he practically bawled.

Sunstreaker was also a constant attendee, but he only wrote his poems sparingly. He mostly sat with the rest of the poets, listening to the recitals and painting.

Sunstreaker privately confided toward Tailgate at one point that his talent didn't lie within literature, instead focusing on the visual arts.

He found that the poetry around him helped him locate his inner peace and allow him to paint with fresh inspiration.

And Bob, well. Bob ate the snacks that nobody liked.

So with all this important business to attend to, what in the world was Tailgate doing? Being molested by a crazy helicopter, that's what!

"Whirl! I have to go! Please let me go!"

"No."

Tailgate heard a sort of whooshing noise over his head as something nailed Whirl directly within his sole optic.

The former Wrecker let out a vile curse as he loosened his hold on Tailgate to cup his wounded eye. Cyclonus calmly walked over, took Tailgate by the arm and led him quietly away.

**XXXXXxxxxxZombieIsAWeeabooxxxxxXXXXX**

Tailgate clapped as Huffer finished his poem. Cyclonus' clap was much more reserved and quiet, a rare smile on his face as an unexpected poet came out of their group once more.

Tailgate looked at his list. "Alright, our next presenter is-"

A door slammed open so hard that the desk rattled and Tailgate nearly lost his grip on the datapad.

Rodimus stood in the doorway, with a writing tablet in his hands. His expression was guarded, and difficult to describe. Confident and slightly annoyed..?

He strolled in, ignoring all the goggling looks and open mouths. Standing across from Tailgate, legs akimbo, he placed his hand on his hip and used the other hand to begin reading what he had on his datapad.

"Roses are red! Violets are blue! I am awesome. I wish you were too."

Rodimus high-fived someone as he walked out the door.

**XXXXXxxxxxZombieIsAWeeabooxxxxxXXXXX**

Tarn looked at the monitor over Kaon's shoulder.

Kaon smiled over at Tarn, his expression positively ecstatic. "Tailgate has been successfully assimilated into the Lost Light. It took us a while to track him down, considering how old his systems are, but we got him."

Tarn rubbed his hands together gleefully. "Perfect. Now that we've locked on to him, we can finally see whether or not Overlord is on that cursed vessel."

Kaon rubbed his chin. "Why send Tailgate to the ship at all? We could just go and kill everyone on board. If there're traitors, that'd just be a bonus."

Tarn shook his helm. "There's a greater cluster of traitors hanging around this side of the cosmos. I'd rather finish up here and not give any the chance to try and flee. Beside, Overlord's signal only popped up for an instant. We know Tailgate's field better. Should we drift near that ship, we'll just press a button, find him, and kill everyone on board."

Kaon hesitated. "_About_ that… When the moment comes… What do we do about Tailgate?"

All five DJD members suddenly began looking at the floor, door and generally everyday but each other. Awkwardness everywhere.

Tarn sighed. "I suppose… We could just knock him out before the carnage begins and take him back in…"

All other four DJD heads began eagerly nodding. _What_?! Scariest Decepticons(mechs) in the entirety of the cosmos wanting to save a cute minibot? You're outta your mind!

Vos hissed and draped himself over a chair. Tarn shook his head.

"I'm afraid you'll have to make-do Vos. Half the reason I sent Tailgate away is because of you. Our maid needs a break, for now."

**XXXXXxxxxxZombieIsAWeeabooxxxxxXXXXX**

_Lights: This chapter was pretty short, and I guess that's alright. I just wanted to introduce Tailgate on the ship for now._

_Zombiesluvme: Admit it. You just wanted a Lost Light Poetry Jam. Rodimus won by the way._

_Lights: YOU KNOW WHAT; SO THE FUCK WHAT IF I WANTED TO-_


	10. The Bomb in Temptoria

_Lights: Well, here I am at the ski lodge, with the shittiest wi-fi at best *silently cries into breakfast cereal* But that won't stop the Tailgate shenanigans! *Continues sobbing*_

_Zombie: Holy moly, if you're at a ski lodge enjoy yourself!_

_Lights: Well, I WAS. About TWO WEEKS AGO._

**XXXXxxxLightssucksxxxXXXX**

Tailgate looked out over at the bridge, optics wide.

He'd never encountered such a large ship, the Peaceful Tyranny being only average in size scale. The Lost Light was capable of fitting a crew of 200 or more.

Swerve clapped Tailgate on the back. "Alright tiny ancient man! It's time to hustle over to the nearest Decepticon settlement!"

Tailgate blinked. "What? Why?"

"Why _not_?" Swerve chuckled.

**XXXXxxxLightssucksxxxXXXX**

"_All that remains for me to say is…_"

Tailgate pointed both forefingers fingers up, awaiting dramatically for the anticipated words.

"Here it comes." Swerve whispered.

"'_Til all are one!_"

Sitting at the back with Swerve, Tailgate shifted nervously. Quiet, but still with an air of desperation.

What would Tarn say to Tailgate if he were in his pedes? That he shouldn't betray his comrades? That he was a filthy traitor? But Tailgate didn't have a _choice_! Did that count..?

"Nervous, Tailgate?"

Tailgate let out a shaky sigh. "I guess you could say that. What's your secret Swerve? How do you stay so calm?"

"Simple, my dear Tailgate: I focus on a perfect moment in my life and re-live it over and over. It's an old relaxation technique."

Tailgate suddenly recollected when exactly he had heard that phrase. "That's the Rungian Re-Experience Therapy! You go to your happy place!"

"So do that; think back to the happiest time in your life - partying with the DJD, squishing traitors' helms in, whatever- and re-live it. Can you do that?"

Tailgate sighed and leaned back in his seat. "Doing it now." He mumbled.

Closing his eyes, he imagined he was back within the Peaceful Tyranny, sitting with Tarn and studying the works of Megatron. Tarn had a nice laugh when he was genuine.

Oh look at that.

He was relaxed now.

_Huh_.

Tailgate turned toward Swerve. "Thanks."

**XXXXxxxLightssucksxxxXXXX**

"Thoughts, Tailgate?" Swerve inquired to Tailgate.

The battle raged beneath them, while the minibots hid behind a cliff ledge.

Tailgate shrugged. "A bit full-on, but I wouldn't say it's anything to be concerned about yet."

Swerve gave him an odd look, but shook it off. "C'mon, we're supposed to be sneaking into their base…"

Tailgate nodded. "But let's find Rewind first. I heard he's stuck with Whirl at the moment."

Swerve gave a grimace. "_Ew_."

They two soon spotted Rewind, hanging back from Whirl as the former Wrecker gleefully slashed and shot 'Cons at random. Tailgate was reminded a bit of Vos.

It wasn't a pleasant feeling.

Swerve waved at Rewind. "C'mon! We gotta intercept the base now!"

Rewind gave them a thumbs up and shouted something at Whirl. The blue mech paused a bit then carried Rewind over to the other minibots.

"Why, fancy meeting you here."

Tailgate ignored Whirl. "Let's go. I think the Decepticons are distracted for now."

Ultra Magnus raged through the battlefield, causing more destruction then Whirl. (If it was even possible.) And it provided a welcome invitation toward the temporarily unguarded station.

The party of four raced toward the base, opening the door to find Cyclonus finishing up a few of the guards.

Cyclonus greeted the four with a small nod. Whirl gave a hushed curse underneath his breath.

Rewind grabbed Tailgate. "C'mon! We'll let Swerve, Whirl and Cyclonus finish up here! We have to find the kidnapped natives!"

Tailgate nodded, waved goodbye to Cyclonus, then ran with Rewind deeper within the base.

**XXXXxxxLightssucksxxxXXXX**

As Rewind found the natives of Temptoria, Tailgate decided to risk a small question, while the minibot was perched on Tailgate's shoulders, peering into the prison.

"Rewind? Why exactly do we have to save the organics?"

Rewind glanced down at him, his expression surprised. "It's the Autobot thing to do, isn't it?"

Tailgate nodded, his fists clenched tightly around Rewind's ankles. Autobots. To risk their plating for a few hunks of organics? _Please_.

He could barely recall the time he had felt so proud to be a Decepticon. To make sure he would never be as weak or disgustingly sentimental. Rewind interrupted his thoughts.

"But I don't think we can just immediately save them. Look."

Yeah, that bomb was just staring them in the face, daring them to mess around with the door.

"Oh man." Rewind breathed "It must be there to make sure that nobody interferes with the Pink Alchemy process. It's wired into the doorframe. So, what's the pla-"

Tailgate cracked his servos. "Not for long. Rewind, find me a screwdriver and some sort of blunt object. We're going to need them."

Rewind peered at him. "Pardon?"

"I may not be a bomb disposal expert, but I know my way around the C-16. It's a common Decepticon weapon, mostly used by rogue groups. Easy to obtain and make."

Rewind backed toward the exit "Um, sure… But where do I find those things..?"

"Screwdrivers shouldn't be far from this room. With a bomb strapped here like this, I'd expect that there has to be a disposal kit somewhere nearby. Nobody but an idiot would let bomb sit here collecting dust without a B-plan."

"Er, sure. I'll be back as quick as I can."

Rewind ran off, leaving Tailgate to begin the first process of defusing the bomb.

Tailgate ran to the back of the bomb, superheating his fingertip and burning through the sensor nodes in the back.

The C-16 was funny like that. Normally touching the sensor nodes guaranteed a blowup, but not this particular brand. Mechs who used this relied heavily upon assumption and fear. (_Morons_, as Tarn would say.)

Tailgate relieved the pressure caps, the sensor nodes now dead; making sure that should he mess up, there was a slim time window for escape.

Immediate safety for now was assured. He looked down at his wrist, which read Bomb Disposal. He clenched his hands. He _deserved_ that title. He _earned_ it. He _wasn't_ a fake- Oh great, Rewind was coming back.

"I found the screwdriver and a hammer", the archivist panted, "But I had to lock the door, guards were coming and the three outside are holding them off."

Tailgate gave Rewind a happy visor beam. "Fantastic. I'd suggest standing back from me now. Should something go wrong, maybe you'll end up badly injured instead of dead."

Rewind shivered and backed off. "No need to tell me twice."

Rewind clicked on his camera. "Mind if I film this? I don't want my last footage to be of Whirl punching himself in the face to prove he's super _uninvincible_."

Tailgate shrugged. "Film away."

Rewind watched as Tailgate began screwing away the cap of the bomb. "Tailgate, wouldn't a person normally drain the propex first…?"

Tailgate scoffed. "Medieval methods. There are far too many ways for it to backfire. Easier to remove the entirety of the propex at once."

The fuze well popped off and suddenly there was a high pitched beeping noise. "_T-minus three secon_-"

Tailgate smashed the hammer into a grey box that resided within the bomb, now exposed due to the missing fuze well. The voice was immediately silenced and the room hushed.

Rewind spoke out, his voice in a whisper. "What did you do?"

Tailgate stretched casually. "This bomb has a back-up system. The propex makes sure the blast reaches far, but should it be removed, there remains a smaller explosive hidden within the shell of the bomb. It's there to make sure the disposal mech is killed. I just squished it."

"B-but, should you have smashed it to pieces, wouldn't the bomb have gone off regardless due to the pressure?!"

"Not if you had super heated your finger and burnt through the sensor nodes, afterward removing the pressure pads. Imagine the bomb as having a fragged up firework within a numb shell."

"You're a genius!"

Tailgate sighed and sat down, leaning against the defused bomb. "No. My teacher was. Up until then, I was just a liar pretending to be someone I wasn't."

Tailgate thought back to his conversation with Kaon, only a few weeks after he joined the Peaceful Tyranny.

_"I know you're a liar. And if you try to deny it, I'll zap you to the point of permanent malfunction."_

_"Wh-"_

_"But seeing as Tarn likes you, not to mention we do desperately need a maid, I can teach you to be that someone you always wanted to be."_

And boy had Kaon taught him. Nearly all of his spare time was consumed by tests and endless lectures.

Kaon enjoyed hogging information of all varieties, and more than that, he relished educating "dim-witted disposal drones."

Tailgate saw endless lectures in form of historical video's of which Omega Supreme taught metaphysics, learnt some kickboxing, and studied the art of bomb disposal from the Ibex School of Epistemology. It was a good thing that Ibex saved a lot of their lectures unto data form.

It would have been impossible without Kaon. The mech helped him understand more then he possibly could have on his own.

All it took were a few months of cripplingly intense study, another few weeks of torturous tests, and finally Kaon was satisfied to allow him to continue into his life with a "good" conscious.

Bomb disposal was a particular pain in the aft to learn, but he managed upon it. Especially when Kaon threatened to withhold meals if Tailgate did not achieve near perfect on his test results.

Primus, how did he even _survive_ on that ship?

Tailgate turned to Rewind. "Say, while those three are finishing up out there, can I ask you a question I've been meaning to for the past few days?"

"Sure, go ahead."

"H-how did you and Chromedome meet in the first place anyway?"

Rewind sighed, sitting beside Tailgate and slouching against the bomb. "Well, it's a pretty sad story, but I guess there's a happy ending within it somewhere. I don't normally like to talk about it, and neither does Domey; but considering that you saved my life and a dozen others, I guess a story can be arranged to pass the time…"

**XXXXxxxLightssucksxxxXXXX**

Whirl peered in. "All the baddies are dead, me dears."

Cyclonus booted Whirl inside the room; Tailgate and Rewind both ducked and ran into an opposite direction to avoid the flying 'copter.

The two minibots walked out as Cyclonus locked the door.

Tailgate felt a moment of brief concern for Whirl before he realized that mechs like Whirl never died or got left behind.

They were left alive for the sole sake to further torment his existence.

**XXXXxxxLightssucksxxxXXXX**

Rewind dozed against Tailgate when the Leading Light flew back to the Lost Light. Chromedome ran up to them both, looking extremely concerned.

"Is Rewind alright?! I heard you two were in the same room when you defused the bomb!"

Tailgate nodded his head. "But he's alright. We made through everything without a scratch."

Chromedome visibly sagged with relief. He lifted his hand and gave Rewind a small rub on the helm. Walking away, he joined Brainstorm and Drift. The two seemed to be anxiously discussing something to Chromedome, and the mnemosurgeon glanced back at Rewind twice.

Tailgate heard Rewind give a sleepy chuckle. "I felt that, Domey…"

**XXXXxxxLightssucksxxxXXXX**

Upon returning to the Lost Light, Rodimus immediately called Tailgate to his office.

"Oh! Hey! Tailback was it?"

Tailgate slid into his seat. "It's Tailgate, sir."

"Right, right, but do you know why we called you here Tailgate?"

"I assume it's about today's activities…?"

Rodimus grinned at him. "You got it short-stack. Now, I have background checks on everybody but you Tailgate. And I say this in the most polite of terms Tailgate, but I need to know more about you should anymore bomb situations come up. _Kapeesh_?"

Tailgate nodded slowly. "So… you need to know my abilities in order for any emergency situations that might arise?"

"Ten points for you."

Tailgate stared at the desk, quietly debating on whether or not to lie or tell the truth. As in answer, Kaon's advice seemed to float within his mind.

_"Sometimes telling the truth can be a safer option then lying, Tailgate."_

Then Kaon got a sly grin.

_"But then again, telling half of a truth is still the truth, isn't it?"_

Tailgate sighed, hating to lie to his captain, but his fabricated tale was one that could save him a lot of hassle.

"Six million years ago, I guess you could say I was pretty special. I studied metaphysics under Omega Supreme, learned Bomb Disposal through a very special teacher of mine…"

**XXXXxxxLightssucksxxxXXXX**

"So you lied to Rodimus?" Cyclonus' voice was a deadpan, betraying no hint of pride or anger.

Tailgate shrugged. "What else could I do? I've seen the others' response to the DJD. It was easier to tell Rodimus that I lied about the whole Decepticon Justice Division thing and move on."

Cyclonus rolled his eyes. "You best hope that your half-truth doesn't wind up with you in the brig."

Tailgate laughed. "Of course not! Now, what theme do you think we should make next Poetry Night? Make sure it involves flames; I lost to Rodimus today in his office over a game of highstasis."

**XXXXxxxLightssucksxxxXXXX**

_Lights: Ah, Cute isn't easy. Of which Tailgate is a badass behind an adorable shell._


	11. Underground Hedonia

_Lights: *Cries*_

**XXXXXxxxxxDrugsxxxxxXXXXX**

Sitting down on a bench usually involved a lot of things, ranging from resting to... you guessed it, more resting.

The one thing that the benched shared in common was that things got boring after a while.

And honestly, after watching the Decepticons across from him begin a slapping fight, counting all the wall tiles in order, and proceeding to laugh over the way his pedes splashed in the energon blood puddles were staring to grow tedious over a while.

The brig was probably worse then the bench he was sitting on. Oh wait he forgot... He was _in_ the slagging brig!

Even worse was The fragging Enforcer of the slagging Tyrest Accord. How the frag was Tailgate supposed to know that what he was tossing to Waverider and Sureshot was a hand grenade?

Well, according to Ultra Magnus, Tailgate was officially the worst _and_ shortest criminal on the Lost Light.

He should be proud, but boredom was sucking every emotion besides boredom out of his life.

A clattering sound began at the end of the hallway. Was that Red Alert? He'd been missing for some time now...

Oh wait, it was Rodimus.

"Alright! Every Autobot that was unjustly convicted; you're out! Time to celebrate your freedom via more naughty shenanigans!"

Tailgate sighed as he walked out, rubbing his slightly numb aft and savouring the jealous glares he received from the other Decepticons.

This was it. He was going to retire to his habsuite and have a nice warm cup of energ-

"_HEY TAILGATE! WANNA TAG ALONG!_"

Oh slag no.

**XXXXXxxxxxDrugsxxxxxXXXXX**

Even though he had in fact been to Hedonia once, he'd never actually had the chance to go within the bars. Tarn had been strictly against it for some off reason. Typical Tarn.

But in the end, Tailgate agreed to go to Hedonia purely for the sake of getting Swerve to shut the frag up.

You'd think that getting paired with Magnus to literally "have fun" was such a big deal...

"Look! The fifth rivet in that sequence- It's 30 degrees wide of the weld line! I knew there was something odd about the shuttle."

Okay, _maybe_...

Tailgate nearly grinned at the way Swerve's face dropped into a grimace, peering at Tailgate from the corner of his eye and mouthing: _Are you serious?_

That near smile was crushed at the sudden realization that Ultra Magnus did not even know how to physically allow himself to say "relax".

Maybe Swerve was handed an impossible task after all.

**XXXXXxxxxxDrugsxxxxxXXXXX**

Sending the holomatter's ahead was genius. Pure genius. Based off your own psyche or whatever that meant!

Unfortunately, Tailgate felt like the inventor had given up halfway, considering his I.D name literally said "Cutie-Patootie"

Weirdos.

Everyone looked weird in their human forms, yet vaguely similar. Tailgate peered down at himself, pleased.

He was perhaps around the same age of Whirl in terms of their holomatter's, but around Swerve's height. It said his holomatter identified as "female" and unlike the others, his outfit merely consisted of a one piece baggy attire with a belt around his midsection. Sturdy "boots" and "gloves" completed the outfit. Even though the hair looked fake as scrap, Tailgate was pleased.

Tailgate was also especially elated to see the words "Bomb Disposal" stitched unto his forearm, just like his real body.

Rung found him particularly interesting.

"Well, I'd think that a mech of your accomplishments should be older in terms of the holomatters... the outfit is right, you can be easily as an bomb disposal mech or sanitary bot..."

Thankfully, Rung was distracted by Swerve asking what Ultra Magnus' holomatter meant.

Sometimes Tailgate found himself nervous around Rung. The psychiatrist could probably sniff out a spy quicker then Magnus. That scrawny mech _saw_ things.

Oh, what's that? Magnus' holomatter was based off an old friend or something?

Whatever! The important thing was that they could return to the bar for drinks! Yes!

**XXXXXxxxxxDrugsxxxxxXXXXX**

Tailgate wrung his hands, hyperventilating, or at least as close as dammit.

Ultra Magnus was dead. He was totally dead.

This was worse then the time he'd trodden on the Pet's tail. Worse then opening Brainstorm's suitcase (probably?) Worse then watching Megatron propaganda videos with an overemotional Tarn.

Looking down at the former Enforcer's corpse, Tailgate felt a wave of nauseousness rise upon him, like he time he saw Vos nit-picking a body for spare parts.

Swerve was even more freaked out then him. No wonder. The minibot had told Ultra Magnus to turn off his FIM chip. Probably slagged the mech for good.

Looking around frantically, Tailgate's visor set down on the alien bartender! Ah! Bartender good right?! Maybe he had experience with overcharged mechs dying, _right_?!

Tailgate ran up to the insectoid creature, while Whirl and Swerve began yelling. Tailgate peered over the bar table, hoping to Primus that there was some way out of this mess.

"Erm, excuse me, Buggy Bartender? My friend is probably dead, so if you could point me to the nearest smelter, or have some magical resurrection sustenance, that would be great? Thanks?"

Surprisingly, the bartender looked almost afraid. Did Tailgate do something wrong, or-?

Leaning in closer, the bartender whispered: "Su-tance?"

Primus, was his NeoCybex that bad?

"No, no, I said sustenance-"

A hand slapped over his mouth while the bartender nodded frantically, looking right and left. "Is OK. You follow me. Did not know we had Cyber Robot clients today."

Leading Tailgate toward the back of the bar, he opened the door via handscan.

The door quietly whooshed open.

Tailgate looked within the dark corridor staircase leading down back at the bartender. "I'm sorry, I think there's been a mistake..?"

Tailgate positively quailed underneath the glare that the bartender gave him.

"You already say passcode. You had invitation. Back out now, I get friend to rip your out guts."

His NeoCybex probably wasn't the best compared to the next mech, but Tailgate got the message. He fled within the corridor, avoiding the arms that reached to grab him.

Primus, why him? Why did he always get involved in these crazy schemes?

**XXXXXxxxxxDrugsxxxxxXXXXX**

After precisely fifteen clicks, Tailgate was ready to pay penance to Primus.

Hedonia looked like such a peaceful, fun tourist hotspot the last he'd been here!

His guide assured him with a cheerful voice that Hedonia was the capital arms dealer in this sector of the universe, from nukes to circuit speeders. You wanted it, Hedonia produced. Provided you had the shanix or the body bits to pay up.

It was the last part that had Tailgate really freaking out. He had no idea that the underground criminal quarters of Hedonia was this large!

His guide opened a door, his animated chatter pausing as he saw what exactly was happning within the room.

Tailgate choked, seeing torture of all propertions happening on an organic alien. Cut off fingers, branding, steel knuckles, all the works. (Ugh. Organic flesh was even _worse_ with all the skin peeled back.)

The Hedonians nodded toward the tourguide and proceeded to further cut within the screaming alien.

Closing the door with a gentle click, the Hedonia turned to Tailgate with an unchanged smile.

"I'm sorry sir. That was a mistake on my part. Allow me to show you to the appropriate meeting room."

Tailgate was exactly *this* close to comming Tarn for help. He was near bursting a leak in his ballast. Maybe he could shake off a few organics? No way, not within the base of an operation of this size...

The guide opened a door leading within a luxurious habsuite. "The boss will speak with you soon. Please wait here."

Tailgate was then kicked, _fragging kicked_, into the room, the door slamming shut behind him and locking.

He was going to die.

**XXXXXxxxxxDrugsxxxxxXXXXX**

Tarn was enjoying his time off, listening to a fairly new member of their establishment scream abuse at Tesarus.

He liked her. He hoped Tailgate did too when he came back. She certainly had a lot more spunk then their tiny disposal mech.

Oh, what's this? Tailgate was comming? Well, how rude would he be to ignore it?

::_This is Tarn of the DJD. How may I help-_::

::_**TARN YOU HAVE TO HELP ME I'M GOING TO DIE-**_::

The sound almost fractured his audio sensors for good.

::_Tailgate, I'm going to have to ask you to clam down. What's wrong? Has your cover been exploited?::_

_::I think I'm in the middle of a drug dealing! Or weapons? I don't know!_::

Tarn paused; then continued speaking.

::_Tailgate, what have we taught you about narcotic substances during your time on the Peaceful Tyranny?:_:

::_It's not me doing the drugs! They somehow mistook me for a client or something! Help me!_::

Ah.

::_Keep me on your comm Tailgate. Now tell me, where are you now?_::

::_Hedonia_.::

Tarn choked. Hedonia? Primus, Tailgate was in deep slag! Those organics didn't mess around! They possessed enough firepower to pose a threat to Cybertron. Tarn didn't deem his planet too much of value to him (After all, the leader of the DJD was adaptable to nearly any environment) but the last he wanted was for Tailgate to get tortured and killed. Not to mention if Tailgate offended them enough, their goods might be closed off to any future Cybertronian clients.

How to handle this situation...

Alright, maybe... There was a way for this plan to resolve all conflicts... without Tailgate dying.

::_Tailgate listen carefully...::_

**XXXXXxxxxxDrugsxxxxxXXXXX**

Nobody knew the Boss' true name. Nobody knew his background or name. His name was Boss and that was that.

The grunt felt proud to be standing in the same room as Boss and the Cybertronian.

Cybertronians... A four million civil war... Boss previously told him that he admired a race that could hold such grudges. Maybe that'll help save the mech.

Or not. Who cared? He had a front seat view to a clashing of two races. Boss, the head of Hedonia' underground industries, and Tailgate, spokesman for a bloodthirsty alien race.

This was going to be _awesome_.

**XXXXXxxxxxDrugsxxxxxXXXXX**

Tailgate felt like he wanted to die. Primus, he was already dead, wasn't he? At least the plan mainly hinged on Tarn. He was just squeezed unto a couch that was nearly too small for his frame.

All he had to do, was, and he quote: "Act professional and sound courageous."

Was Tarn high?

The Hedonian sat across from him, his organic grunt still in the room. Tailgate thanked Primus that he was able to control his trembling, at least for now.

The organic was at least a head smaller then him; but the confidence and menace he emitted totally killed the size advantage.

This alien was going to chew him up and spit him out.

"So... You're the representative from the Lost Light."

Tailgate swallowed, hands pinching the side of his legs to choke out the cry of surprise. The Lost Light was the one doing underground transactions with Hedonia's criminal side? What the slag. Autobot's are great and all that jazz.

Nope, wait, stick to the cover. He was lucky the Boss revealed the identity of Tailgate's supposed "employer."

"Rodimus is eagerly awaiting his order, sir." Tailgate said dutifully.

The Boss looked off to the side. "I do trust that everything is in order? If you could trust that idiot Brainstorm for skipping into the arms vault and touching everything in sight."

Masking his terror with a nearly convincing laugh, he heard Tarn hiss into his ear. ::_Ask this alien how soon the transaction of weaponry and shanix should take place._::

"How soon will the exchange take place?"

Boss looked startled. "Ah yes. I nearly forgot."

He snapped his fingers, and the alien beside him opened a door and went out for a few moments.

Coming back with a small box.

The object was gently set upon Tailgate's lap.

Tailgate looked from the book to the Boss in confusion. The alien gave him a wide grin.

Opening the box (And sending one last prayer up) Tailgate was greeted with the sight of a datapad.

There was a single picture loaded unto there. Brainstorm tied up with a gun pointed to his head. Slightly banged up.

_**Primus**_.

::_Tarn, I don't think they're screwing around! I just found Brainstorm held hostage!::_

_::Dear me. This complicates things, doesn't it?::_

Tailgate met Boss' unblinking stare.

The alien across from him poured himself a drink from the tray that the grunt fetched him.

"Listen here Tailgate. I know you and the rest of your ugly kind very well. That idiot Rodimus thought he could simply deal with us and walk away without consequences."

He took a sip of the drink.

Peered at Tailgate over the rim of the glass, and then lowered it.

"I _hate_ arrogant people. Especially when you _Cybertronians_ crawl to Hedonia and _beg_ for weaponry while acting significant. Truth be told, I'd love to kill you both and cram your body bits into the very weapons I'll ship back to the Lost Light."

Oh _dear_. This was _bad_.

"But let no one say that I am a person of opportunity. I'll give you one chance to save yourself and your shipmate Brainstorm. You can run out this door or try to talk your way out. _One_, chance."

Uhm...

::_Tailgate, let me talk to this mech. You know our comm number_.::

"Er, may I introduce you to my friend, sir?"

Boss nodded, and Tailgate rapidly typed down Tarn's comm number and handed it over to the alien.

Before he switched off his comm connection to give the two privacy, he heard Tarn purr over the line:

::_Please sir, allow me to introduce you to my associate, Nickel._::

**XXXXxxxxAre Not CoolxxxxXXXX**

Tailgate sat in the room as the Boss watching the aline's features go from bemused, to confused, and finally horrified for approximately two hours.

And now, for the last 20 minutes, he heard the Boss repeatedly murmur into the comm line: "I'm sorry, do forgive me, I was only trying to- I'm sorry..."

He had no idea what was happening, but it didn't involve any bloodshed yet. And that was enough to make him happy.

The Boss held the datapad away from his ears, where Tailgate caught the sound of something _extremely_ angry and loud, before the Boss disconnected from the lines.

Leaning forward, and holding his face, the Boss gave his orders.

"Let Tailgate go back to his friends and release our prisoner. He's earned his freedom, along with the other one."

The grunt nodded and led Tailgate out the door.

As they left, Tailgate heard the Boss give a small sniffle.

**XXXXxxxxAre Not CooolxxxxXXXX**

Tailgate walked down the hallway with the grunt, and tugged on its arm.

"Er, excuse me, but do you have anything to help cure mechs who've overdosed on weapons-grade Nucleon, perhaps?"

The grunt barked something into his communicator as they went up the stairs. As soon as they arrived at the original bar, the Buggy Bartender slipped Tailgate a syringe and walked away without a word.

Tailgate walked back toward Whirl, Skids, Rang, Swerve, Cyclonus, and Rewind in a sort of dreamlike daze.

Plopping down in his seat, he watched Rewind begin talking about showing the Opening Ceremony to the Original Ark.

Maybe he should panic about his cover getting blown, but after the debacle he went through, he just wasn't feeling it.

Uncapping the syringe, Tailgate jabbed Ultra Magnus straight in the neck and watched as the The Enforcer of the Tyrest Accord jump up from the sudden medical rush and flip the table...

...straight into another table.

Oh look, now Skids and Cyclonus were trying to restrain Ultra Magnus.

Ohhhh... _Poor_ Skids...

...

Poor, poor, Skids.

It was tragic, messy and expensive, but by the time Ultra Magnus calmed down, they managed to apologize to the bar owner, and the majority of the innocents sitting around them. At least nobody noticed that Tailgate was the one to wake up Ultra Magnus. Instead, they all blamed Whirl. Stupid Whirl.

As they entire Swerve posse drove back to the Leading Light, Tailgate thought a little about his situation.

Perhaps Tarn wasn't always going to be there to save him. Maybe it was time Tailgate tried to toughen up a little bit on his own.

His first few actions as a newly reconsidered Deception was to punch Swerve in the face, scream at Brainstorm and give Rodimus the most dirty glare he could manage.

He was so done on this slagging ship.

**XXXXxxxxAre Not CoolxxxxXXXX**

_Lights: It's fucking hot. Also, belated chapter. Enjoy~! Or did, anyway..._


	12. Overlord

_Lights: Well, here comes the fated chapter. Zombie, don't you fucking dare imagine that I've forgotten about that "badass Tailgate with biker jacket, walking through the Lost Light with Overlord hiding under the bed" conversation._

_Zombie: Honestly, I forgot myself. But now I remember and oooooooooh yes._

_Lights: It's been 84 years..._

**XXXXXxxxBaby Gone BadAssxxxXXXXX**

Overlord walked over to the door, feeling the tense joints unravel within his body and his frame begin to awaken from the deep pits of depression.

Chromedome was paralyzed behind him, the surgeon's small desperate wheezing gave Overlord the _extra special inspiration_ he needed for the oncoming slaughter.

Maybe he should stay behind a little bit. Torture and kill the mnenosurgeon just to make sure there wasn't any chance of a warning or alarm getting triggered for some stupid reason. An _appetizer_ of sorts to the main course.

The _maybe_ became a no. He'd have all the time in the world to kill everyone on this pathetic, backward ship. Chromedome included. He was going to think of something especially _punishing_ for those involved in his imprisonment and for their lies about Megatron.

But not now. He was going to think of something nastier later after getting warmed up. He was sure he could.

"Now, if you don't mind, I think I'll head upstairs and kill everyone on this ship - starting with that skinny little friend of yours."

Walking out, he gave Chromedome one last grin as his foot landed outside the slow cell.

"You're welcome to follow me and raise the alarm; I won't hurt you, or restrain you or put any obstacles in your way. What I will do is close this door behind me, reactivating the temporal dilation field. It should take you - _Ohhhh_ \- Five seconds?"

Walking out, he mused to himself. "Yes, five seconds is your time. From my perspective - and from the perspective of everyone else on board - It might as well be five years."

The door closed.

"Run as fast as you can Chromedome."

"You're already too late."

**XXXXXxxxBaby Gone BadassxxxXXXX**

Tailgate laughed quietly to himself as he ran down the hall with extra cable lines in his arms, all mannerisms of cords threatening to spill loose. Some mechs gave Tailgate the occasional odd look, but everyone mostly ignored him.

Entering the comms room, Tailgate was relieved to see the room completely empty.

The key word being relieved, not exactly surprised.

With contact to Cybertron completely offline, nobody really felt the need to use the room for the present moment. It was possible to contact the occasional colonized planets here and there, but everyone was mostly back on Cybertron.

Oh well. More luck for Tailgate.

The minibot began setting up a comm station, plugging the cables in and rebooting the system to his needs. As well as run another data scrambler through his network, more to convince himself that he was indeed the ship's mascot, not a _sort-of_ Decepticon secret agent. The DJD took special care to make sure nobody called the Peaceful Tyranny by accident.

As the screen loaded, Tailgate walked over to the comms door and hanged a sign over the door-

_Under Repairs._

-and then proceeded to lock it. He wasn't sure what kind of awkward it would be if somebody wandered in to see Tailgate chatting up the DJD. Maybe a level 90:_ Shoot the Minibot to Pieces. _

After a brief surge of static, Kaon's face filled the comm screen. His voice seemed bored. "This is the Peaceful Tyranny, how may I help you?"

Tailgate laughed. "It's me Kaon! How may I help _you_?!"

The mech's faceplates onscreen instantly turned into a wide grin. "Tailgate!"

There was an instant pattering of feet, both large and small.

"Tailgate? Tailgate's calling? What's wrong? Has his cover been blown? Is he alright?"

"_Tesarus, get your aft out of my face, you fragging walking slagging energon processor!_"

Tarn's mask managed to shove itself past his teammates. "Tailgate? Is there a problem?"

Tailgate laughed again. "No, no problem. I just wanted to call to see how my favorite Decepticon Justice Division were doing."

Tarn's eye relaxed into a smile. "Well, we certainly have time to talk don't we? What would you like to know? Quantom theories or our most recent member aboard the Peaceful Tyranny? She's in recharge now, best not disturb her, if you wanted to see Nickel."

Tailgate sat back within the chairs provided. "Tell me everything," he said while he gave a stretch.

**XXXXXxxxBaby Gone BadassxxxXXXXX**

Overlord's previously good mood was now completely diminished, thanks to this stupid ship.

Where in the name of Primus were all the mechs?!

He had seen Chromedome's memories; he knew that this was a crew of two hundred. What were they all doing, anyway? Playing hide and seek?!

Seeing as how he locked that stupid mech downstairs, it was impossible for the crew to have receive an early warning and abandon ship so quickly.

Oh frag. What if Chromedome really did have some sort of communicator down there? But... There was no way a message could transmit out from the slow cell... _right_?

This was borderlining from stupid toward insanity. What did he care if the people on the ship were warned? He'd crush them underfoot anyway.

Now the real question was _where_ in the world were some insects he could crush underfoot?!

_Wait_.

Hold on a second.

He could hear someone talking. It was muffled, granted; but it was better than the silence.

He followed the voice, making sure to keep his pedes soft and gliding.

"Is that really what happened? Geez, stupid quantum theoretics! What happened to the other Tailgate?"

Overlord smiled. _Bingo_. One moronic loud mech.

"Well, we actually killed the other Tailgate and dumped his corpse on some alien planet, seeing as he wasn't actually you."

Another mech? No, this one was on comms. There was a slight static and echo to the words. Their conversation was odd, but who was he to judge? Overlord had been told that he'd moaned various torture methods occasionally in his recharge. Heh.

The door was right in front of him. The voice was clearer than ever.

"Anyway, what happens now?"

"Oh, just some trouble with the Black Block Consortia and the Galactic Council. It shouldn't be a good time for you to call us during the next few months. We'll be driving into some dark areas."

Overlord was in the room now.

"That's too bad! What do I do if they blow my cover!?"

The minibot was in sight now. Not too bad looking a mech, but he'd look much cuter with his head kicked straight through the comm screen. Maybe he was biased in terms of looks. _Maybe_.

"Anyone who touches the DJD's property either has to be the dumbest mech in the universe or just plain suicidal."

Overlord's running stance suddenly froze.

"Yeah! Don't worry Tailgate! We'll just get Kaon to teleport you out of there if you get shut up in the brig!"

The Phase Sixer's eyes widened, as he suddenly got a good eyeful of the mechs that Tailgate was talking to.

_Oh dear Primus-_

"T-thanks guys. I feel like a huge weight just got lifted off!"

Overlord felt as if the entirety of the ship's weight just slammed unto his back. _What - the - hell - were - the - DJD - doing here_?! He was supposed to be the _only_ horrible surprise that dropped unto this ship!

Granted, he certainly wasn't scared of the DJD, just sensibly... cautious.

Garrus-9 was a completely different story, seeing as how he had an entire prison facility in the palm of his hand, and countless Decepticon soldiers ready to fight. _There_ he could have fought the DJD.

But not here, with his weapons systems shut off, weapons removed in general; not to mention completely stuck on an Autobot ship.

_Great_.

"We'll even send you a data packet. Remember, the device has only the physical capacity to send out a single burst that translates into a distress signal, so use it when you're honestly trapped."

"Alright, thanks! I'll catch up with you guys later!"

"Have a nice day Tailgate."

Logging off, the minibot hopped off his stool and walked straight toward Overlord. The titan's breath froze as the minibot suddenly stopped and looked him straight in the optic, similarly freezing in fear.

**XXXXXxxxBaby Gone BadAssxxxXXXXX**

Tailgate's first thought was that he was going to be executed on the spot, seeing as he had just been caught chatting with the DJD, as cool as ever.

Then he calmed down, recognizing the Decepticon emblem on the mech's chest.

The relief quickly turned into panic, as he realized that nobody on the Lost Light _had_ any Decepticon badge.

Then he recognized the lips.

The mech before him seemed as freaked out as he was, his eyes the size of energon plates.

They both stared paralyzed at each other, before Tailgate screeched, throwing the nearest object from his hands directly within the faceplates of the titan before him.

He quickly delved between the mechs legs, flew out the door and screamed down the hall for help while running.

Encountering Drift (actually, he crashed face first; Funny enough, his T-Cog was acting weird these days) Tailgate gripped the third in commands legs and tried to speak.

"O-o-o-o-o-o..."

"No, it's alright Tailgate."

Tailgate tried again.

"Ov-_Over_-O-"

Drift looked thoroughly confused. "Are you sure you haven't a glitch Tailgate?"

"Overlord! Tailgate finally spat out.

Drift became instantly alert. "_Where_? Where did you find him? Under the ship?!"

Tailgate would have probably called Drift out on his fast reaction toward the fact that Overlord was on the ship, but he was currently freaking out of his fragging mind.

"_Comms room_! I saw him standing in the comms room; right behind me!"

Drift looked angry, worried, and a little bit scared all at once. He ran over to the nearest alarm and pulled it.

As the ships alarms went off, Drift ran down the hall, speaking rapidly into his comms.

"Overlord is loose; I repeat, Overlord is loose..."

**XXXXXxxxBaby Gone BadAssxxxXXXXX**

In the end, nothing had really stopped Overlord from doing whatever he wanted with the ship anyway.

He had hurt Ratchet, torn Drift's legs off, crushed Pipes, and sent several of Tailgate's crew mates in severe critical condition.

And Rewind had perished.

Sitting in Rewind's funeral had Tailgate's spark sinking in his chest and his optics downcast.

Chromedome's face was one of a perfectly neutral expression, but Tailgate could sense the grief, anger and sadness underneath the surface.

Tailgate looked at Cyclonus sitting beside him and gave a small sigh. At least Cyclonus came to the funeral. He knew the old warrior rarely turned up to "_frivolous events celebrating a spark that's been long dead for the excuse of shirking ship duties_."

Or maybe Cyclonus could feel how genuine the atmosphere was around him.

Tailgate looked down at his pedes and felt a small tear buzz from his visor.

He missed Rewind.

**XXXXXxxxBaby Gone BadAssxxxXXXXX**

Tarn sighed as Tailgate finished his tale.

"It's such a shame." Tarn couldn't find any more words to convey how much... _He didn't really care_.

Tailgate seemed a bit depressed, and Tarn hated seeing his resident maid like that.

"I just wish... that I could have done something to help Rewind. Some way to save his life. He was really nice to everyone, you know. Even me."

Tarn nodded, his eyes threatening to droop into recharge. He'd heard this speech a million times.

"And the worst part is that I want to kill Overlord again right now. I want to hurt him in so many ways. But I can't. I-I couldn't. I could only throw a microphone at his face and run away like a little coward."

_Oh_? This was interesting.

"There was nothing you could do Tailgate," Tarn's voice flowed like a serpent within Tailgate's audio's,"Overlord would have obliterated you. I'm impressed you got away at all."

Tailgate's hands smashed unto the desktop. "What use am I if I can't even prevent the death of my _friend_?! I managed to save him once only to have him completely blown to pieces _anyway_?! I don't care if it's impressive that I avoided Overlord, I want to look impressive killing him! But now I _can't_!"

Tarn smiled down at Tailgate. "Why, isn't that precisely what the Decepticon Justice Division does? Execute the mechs that deserve it most?"

"Y-you're right. I'm not made for killing. I'm just here to make sure I can nail the people who deserve death the most."

"And leave it to the mechs that are best suited for it to do the killing." Tarn purred.

"Yes."

It was really at that moment that Tran realized how under their spell Tailgate was.

**XXXXXxxxBaby Gone BadAssxxxXXXXX**

_Lights: Well, if any of you read the series, I'm sure you knew this chapter was coming. And why I was so reluctant to write it._

_Zombie: Completely understandable. I'm not crying, YOU'RE CRYING. I thought I blocked this particular detail from my memory, but the kawaiicon betrayed me._

_Lights: *Laughs at the buried memories that had been unearthed* And of course, it wouldn't be a new update if we didn't have a creepy Tarn._


	13. Chapter 13

_Lights: Now; let's bring in the cancer. (As a small sidenote, there are obvious changes with Cyclonus in this story. My headcanon about Cyclonus' reaction toward Tailgate's cybercrosis announcement was that he cared a lot more then he let on. And sometimes people run away from the people they care about while they suffer. Sort of like how if you see someone you love in pain, you can't even bear to look at the hurting bits. At least he stayed for the end...)_

**XXXXXxxxxxxxxxDeadCutiexxxxxxxxxxXXXXX**

Tailgate morosely wiped away at Ultra Magnus' body, making sure he dug within the seams where the dirt was most likely located.

With Swerve blasting music; it did not help things.

Tailgate focused on his job, making sure that the cloth wiped up a little grime with every swipe. It was mundane, but it helped take his mind off Overlord's rampage and Rewind's death.

Ratchet finally snapped, yelling at Swerve to turn his damn music off. Swerve obliged without a single wisecrack, uncommon for the bartender.

Tailgate continued to wipe, unaware that he had been cleaning the same spot over and over.

**XXXXXxxxxxxxxxDeadCutiexxxxxxxxxxXXXXX**

Just when things hit rock bottom, they officially smashed through the bottom and plunged into the smelter below.

Tailgate stared in shock at the empty berth while Ratchet paced and cursed.

"How_ in the hell_ can someone just walk off with a comatose body?! And who would _steal_ a dying mech?!"

Valid questions. Probably some stupid answers.

Tailgate walked over to Ultra Magnus' berth and touched it gently. Ratchet's rant made sense. Who would make off with a body anyhow?

The death clock blipped to life and begun whirling. Tailgate blinked as numbers appeared rapidly on its screen and stopped with a cheerful blip.

Tailgate blinked. "Uh, Ratchet? I think the death clock's broken..."

Ratchet whirled around, still spitting and obviously _very_ salty about the disappearance of Ultra Magnus. "_Break_, it doesn't fragging _break_-!"

Ratchet paused.

Ran over to Tailgate and peered at the death clock, uncharacteristically silent.

When he turned back to Tailgate, his optics were uncharacteristically worn.

"Get up on the berth Tailgate. Let's see what we're dealing with here."

**XXXXXxxxxxxxxxDeadCutiexxxxxxxxxxXXXXX**

Dead.

He was going to die.

Tailgate sat in shock in his room, Cyclonus next to him. The warrior seemed a little saddened.

"Tailgate..."

The voice trailed off.

Tailgate didn't blame Cyclonus. His EM field felt heavy enough to sink the Lost Light.

"So what should I do Cyclonus?"

Cyclonus huffed. "Resolve your problems and face death head-on."

Tailgate grinned a small bit underneath his mask. "Figured."

Cyclonus gave a rare grin smile back, this time more grim then sincere. "Indeed."

He stayed beside Tailgate, silent and unmoving.

**XXXXXxxxxxxxxxDeadCutiexxxxxxxxxxXXXXX**

Sitting down at the computer console, Tailgate debated upon how to deliver the message.

Should he be evasive? Curt?

In the end, he settled for a something simple. He was too tired to beat around the bush.

_Tarn,_  
_I have Cybercrosis. It's been triggered by old age. Doctor says its terminal. I'm sorry I couldn't do more to help the Decepticons. If you can't pinpoint me, track the frequency below. Its my friend, Cyclonus'. I want you guys to decide where to bury or smelt me. I'll hide all the information on this ship inside my wrist. Hopefully you'll get it._

_Tailgate._

Well, simple enough he supposed.

He buried his head in his hands and began to cry. Cyclonus walked up behind him and patted his back awkwardly.

It wasn't exactly what Tailgate wanted, but it was better than nothing.

**XXXXXxxxxxxxxxDeadCutiexxxxxxxxxxXXXXX**

Swerve made a few stupid jokes as the Lost Light approached the portal. Tailgate clutched his drink and stared dully as the bright lights reflected off Swerve's visor.

He was wrong about Swerve; the bartender wasn't annoying. He just hid his inner agony a lot better than most mechs.

Just covering a bullet wound with a new layer of paint.

Tailgate suddenly grabbed Swerve's hand. The other minibot stopped suddenly and stared at Tailgate.

"It's alright Swerve. We're both stronger like this. We aren't going to hide anymore. We're going to find Ultra Magnus."

The bartender sagged behind his bar and gave a big sigh, his small frame quivering. Tailgate patted Swerve's hand as they both sat down.

**XXXXXxxxxxxxxxDeadCutiexxxxxxxxxxXXXXX**

Tailgate decided that he wasn't going to give death the satisfaction of taking him peacefully. He was going to fight the frag out of Cybercrosis.

And he was going to start with Luna-1.

Cyclonus had given him a disgusted stare when he said his intentions. The old warrior promptly kneeled and grabbed Tailgate's shoulders. "_Never_ hope. Hope is a _lie_."

Tailgate wasn't going to let Cyclonus discourage him. He was going to search even with the all likely event of dying. He didn't give a single frag.

**XXXXXxxxxxxxxxDeadCutiexxxxxxxxxxXXXXX**

Arriving on the planet's surface was one of the most amazing experiences that Tailgate had. A supposedly _"dead planet"_ flaring to life beneath Rodimus' pedes. (Or was it Rung's? Rodimus had seemed more likely.)

Looking at the multiple sparks beneath his feet, Tailgate wonderingly traced a spark, feeling its energy pulse against his fingers.

"I've never seen a hotspot before." Tailgate found himself saying.

"Most of them cooled by the time I came online." Chromedome replied, his voice equally as dreamy.

Tailgate skimmed the spark's surface with the tip of his finger and laughed when he heard the tiny creature beneath him almost squeal with surprise. A faint squeak emitted when his finger made contact.

Tailgate laughed and he moved on toward the other sparks, careful not to touch or squish any sparks beneath his feet.

The tranquil moment was spoiled through the sight of an odd blur of something speeding toward them.

Oddly, he noticed that it was sort of... a _swarm_ coming toward them. It was approaching quickly from the distance.

"Uhm, Rodimus?"

"Fort Max? Blastor?! Can someone come in? _What the hell.._."

The swarm was distinctly metal now. "Rod-?"

"For the love of me, can someone answer?!"

They were Decepticons. That most likely didn't know that he was an Decepticon mole. Working for the DJD. With no badge.

"_RODIMUS, INCOMING!_"

The first shot barely grazed anyone. Thank scrap Decepticon grunts couldn't shoot to save their sparks.

He felt Rodimus grab his hood from behind and yank him toward their _M.A.R.B.S_, making a speedy exit. Unfortunately, their pursuers followed.

Tailgate managed to catch a full optic of their leader.

"LOCKDOWN!" The minibot spat out, as Rodimus let loose with a few curses. Ratchet was some distance away, but Tailgate fancied he could still hear the medic shouting obscenities as he shot at the Decepticons while attempting to fly.

Their speed increased, but the Decepticons shooting from behind wouldn't let up. Rodimus seemed to be significantly annoyed. He then seemed surprised.

"Would you look at that?"

A field of titans, all very large and all very dead.

Tailgate wasn't particularly religious, but he could appreciate the fact that the titans were essentially his forefathers.

And now he was inside his forefathers.

Rodimus gave a curt "_Hold on!_" and then he jumped from his M.A.R.B and unto a stray bar. The Decepticon pursuing him crashed into a wall and exploded. The explosion reached behind Rodimus and illuminated his jump.

That wasn't how it worked, but Tailgate didn't doubt the power of Rodimus' charisma.

Landing on the ground, he held on for dear life as Rodimus pelted out of there, remarking to Tailgate how if he had a book of moves, that particular one would be the title.

They screeched to a halt before Lockdown, who held their crewmates captive. The bounty hunter himself clapped slowly, expression serious, but his delight evident in the way his optics gleamed.

_Great_.

**XXXXXxxxxxxxxxDeadCutiexxxxxxxxxxXXXXX**

The hand on his back was slowly starting to creep down and Tailgate was getting annoyed.

To makes matters worse, the pervert behind him's heavy breathing was getting more and more prominent.

He was about to hiss at the Decepticon behind him before he heard Rodimus begin screaming at Tyrest, some mech who was apparently important.

"-You're a _disgusting_, backstabbing, has-been that probably fragged _Cons_ before the war was even over-"

Now the hand was just above his aft. The mech behind him sounded as if his vents were covered with a thermal cloth.

"-In fact, I'd rather _frag_ myself on Lockdown's neck spikes then catch another opticfull of your _fugly_ face-"

The servo was now firmly gripping his aft.

Cybercrosis seemed to be on his side for now. His arm felt relatively loose right now.

A great advantage to have when your fist connects with a faceplate behind you.

Unfortunately, it lead to Lockdown nearly killing Tailgate, proceeding to chase the minibot around the room with all of the captured Lost Light crew cheering, with Rodimus being the loudest of them all.

Unfortunately, Lockdown caught him by the same hood.

"Where the hell do you get off assaulting one of my mechs, you runty Autofrag?!"

Tailgate spat in Lockdown's faceplates.

"That slagging pervert squeezed my aft! And for your information; I can punch whatever and whoever I like!"

Tyrest sighed. "Escort them to the cells Lockdown."

**XXXXXxxxxxxxxxDeadCutiexxxxxxxxxxXXXXX**

Tailgate sat in the prison cell, contentedly munching on an energon stick. Rung supplied them, softly cooing to Tailgate that sexual harassment was a big deal and he was alright now.

He had free food. He didn't give any frags.

Actually, no. He was dying fraggit. He needed to get out and find his cure.

Unfortunately, bars stood in his way. Touching one, he yelped as the shock traveled through his finger.

Ouch.

Great. He was dying and was probably destined to pass on and rot within this cell.

All he wanted was a little dignity, pattern and pure normal in his life. Was that too much to ask?

The minibot was Ultra Magnus, blah bl_ah blah blah blah_. He needed to get out! Get to that miracle working medic!

Oh fantastic. Star Saber was here now. Some religious tight-aft.

Peering past Star Saber, Tailgate caught an optic-full of the mech kneeling next to the bigger bot.

Huh. The mech was pretty... cute. Maybe it was that cheery and unassuming yellow and blue paintjob.

He was pretty much dead. He could eye up all the mechs he wanted anyway.

'_Getaway_' was tossed into the cell unceremoniously. The bars went back into place and Star Saber stalked away. He glanced back occasionally, his optics seeming to drag over to Tailgate and his compatriots more than once. That was weird...

Tailgate showed Star Saber his favourite finger before the behemoth disappeared around the corner.

Getaway stretched, then glanced over his new cellmates. His optics bulged out.

"_Skids_?!"

**XXXXXxxxxxxxxxDeadCutiexxxxxxxxxxXXXXX**

Kaon blinked at the new message waiting for him in his inbox. Oh great. Either more pleading messages or spam.

Opening it, his bored expression changed to shock.

And eventually, deepened in sadness, that eventually masked itself, and left nothing behind.

Tarn, on the other hand, didn't react much at all.

But his EM field was heavy enough to drown a turbofox after he read the short message Tailgate sent.

**XXXXXxxxxxxxxxDeadCutiexxxxxxxxxxXXXXX**

There was a long explanation about the not-assassination before something clicked.

"Sorry - Did you say you were an _escapologist_?"

"I might've done."

Rodimus huffed. "Tailgate, Getaway's been a prisoner for months. If he could have escaped, he would've escaped."

Getaway gave a huge smile underneath his mask, if his optics were anything to go by. "Ah, but now that I'm here with all of you, I have something I didn't have before."

He lifted an optic ridge, still grinning.

"A fresh set of keys."

Getaway first observed the cell, peering beneath the bench and even lifting Tailgate at one point to inspect beneath his pedes.

He seemed interested upon hearing of Chromedome's job and made a point to inspect the mech's fingers. Letting out a satisfied noise at the sight of the needles, he popped them out and set them aside.

Walking over to Brainstorm, he thoughtfully inspected the briefcase before popping out the spring-loaded clasps...

... _extremely_ carefully; Tailgate noticed.

Taking both the needles and briefcase clasps, he arranged the two to stick together and made an odd, little crossbow.

He casually strode over to the guarding Legislator's blind spot and fired.

The gigantic mech did not even flinch at the initial shot. It let out a small groan like dying machinery and fell over face first.

Getaway took Rung's energon sticks and gave them each one. He instructed the others to slide the energon sticks into the bars at the count of three.

The bars blinked out, and everyone slowly strode out, nearly not believing their sudden freedom.

Tailgate was the first to run out and the second to fall flat on his faceplates.

**XXXXXxxxxxxxxxDeadCutiexxxxxxxxxxXXXXX**

_Lights: Wow, I'm so sorry_

_Lights: Uhm, nothing much more to say._

_Zombie: I cried enough the first time I read it dammit, and then you do this to me. I'm sic'ing Magic on you for reals this time. AND DON'T THINK I DON'T SEE WHAT YOU NAMED THE PAGE BREAKS._

_Lights: I don't feel so sorry anymore._


End file.
